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eyenine - selfish or self destructive lyrics

like a chameleon exposed, my colors change again
as i move through all these periods and isolated trends
go ahead, you know you want to ask to see my color show
i hate to disappoint but even i don’t really know
it’s changed so many nights, while i’ve traded many fights
i’ve forgotten, now i’ve lost my only way to make it right
it took someone i care for to remind me what i’ve done
how i push people away so that they’d never see me run
i’ve burned so many bridges like my pride was still at stake
acting like i didn’t care while living life as such a fake
a defense mechanism that was given by my hate
i guess it is pathetic, something i learned a little late
i relate to lives i’ve changed with times i made a blind escape
it’s found a way to try my patience, now i wait for mine to break
so i return to telling lies that these rhyme structures make
having learned in my life that it’s time that doesn’t wait
while my mind fluctuates, i feel my side brush my fate
that little nudge is what i love to help me find something great
i’ll move again…

[chorus]
another intersection comes, with neither way paved
and there isn’t any beaten path for me to run away
to the east i can be selfish, walking forward on my own
and to the west is self destruction leading two along the road
where do i go?

as i p-ssed through many towns it was immediate acceptance
into circles, which surprised me how they easily befriended
a vagabond to tag along in all their ritual endeavors
without a second question like i’d known them since forever
i was young, and alone, so i thought that it was great
learning everybody’s name and their history to date
i was the life of the party, telling stories of my past
they hung on every word, even the boring ones i had
had they known i’d be leaving in such a short amount of time
i wonder if they’d be the same and still be so inclined
and the worst part of all, when i really had to go
i couldn’t tell them, so i vanished, i just couldn’t let them know
they would call, i wouldn’t answer, and they’d call another day
but after a few weeks, even the calls began to fade
what was i to say? they were a temporary fix?
that i knew from the beginning they were friends that i could ditch?
and the part that really makes me feel like i’m a piece of sh-t…
are the messages i kept, saying i am truly missed
i’ll return to telling lies that these rhyme structures make
having learned in my life that it’s time that doesn’t wait
while my mind fluctuates, i feel my side brush my fate
that little nudge is what i love to help me find something great
i’ll move again…

last time my feet pressed against earth
it was the people that surrounded me that ended up hurt
what’s worse? this guilt can’t pull me down
take away my wings and relieve me of this crown
not now, not ever, i can never go back
to that place where the light never stretched out its grasp
in the darkness i pondered what wonders light offered
i wandered to the hills and tried to build them taller
i fought so long to get my head above the clouds
climbing this mountain gripping fingers in the ground
i would have noticed all the bodies if i ever looked down
but so focused to the stars, i guess i never heard a sound
the sacrifices made and the blood of my friends
they got me here today and i can never make amends
the reason to stay couldn’t change why i left
there was nothing there for me in those dark decaying depths
of h-ll on earth, i didn’t know what was worse
i stood among the shadows, conversed among the cursed
i’ll return to telling lies that these rhyme structures make
having learned in my life that it’s time that doesn’t wait
while my mind fluctuates, i feel my side brush my fate
that little nudge is what i love to help me find something great
i’ll move again

- eyenine lyrics

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