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farai edwyn - 25. 11. 21 (freestyle) lyrics

25. 11. 21 (freestyle) lyrics
[verse 1]
whenever you ask, “how are you doing?”, i want to say
“my depression’s a black storm, hovering over me through the day
an ooze of oil that wrings the wings of my joy
and wrecks turmoil in me like a spoilt kid’s toy.”
i want to say, “getting out of bed’s become a miracle
and the mere thought of tomorrow makes my soul heretical.”
i want to say, “this sadness only scripts more tears
and i’ve been stuck alone in the same scene for years.”
but i know better than to bring bitter truth to the table
so, at ease, i dress into something more acceptable
just as you greet, i push back any signs of stress
and become like a halloween pumpkin in darkness:
a smile’s carved onto my face, with no whine
i chuckle and reply with a lie: “i’m fine. i’m always fine.”

[verse 2]
with the time i’ve spent carrying around this baggage
you must think, “by now, it should be easier to manage
after all, the weight, surely, can only get lighter?”
i wish i could say, “yes”, but i’d be a liar
the only thing easier is accepting the routine
at which breakdowns come in between
out of nowhere, unseen
to tear you apart from within
to be honest, each day’s worse than the last
but i’m so good at pretending to be at my best
that even when things are at their worst and i’m at my lowest
most people see me as the biggest optimist
if only they knew
even i struggle to pull it together, too
[verse 3]
i stopped hoping things would get better long ago
but no+one before has ever gotten to know
and i’ll make sure it stays that way indefinitely
especially for those close to me and my family
see, in my circle, i’m the tether at the centre
holding everybody together
the hope i have gives them the will to gather
their own hope that things will get better
it inspires something bigger in them to see me weather
disaster like a hero without surrender
my optimism is the anchor, to some extents
stopping them from drifting off into the distance
so, can you imagine what would happen in the instance
that i told them it’s all been pretence?

- farai edwyn lyrics

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