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fayden walker - santa is a criminal lyrics

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verse 1
he breaks into your house without a key
slides down the flue like it’s totally normal to be
leaves footprints, eats your food, touches your stuff
and somehow we’re the weird ones for asking, “isn’t this… enough?”

pre+chorus
red suit, white beard, list in his hand
that’s not festive, man—that’s surveillance, man

chorus
santa is a criminal, i’m just saying facts
uninvited entry and zero paper trails to track
he sees you when you’re sleeping—bro, explain that part
that’s not christmas magic, that’s a civil rights chart

verse 2
who gave this guy global airsp+ce rights?
flying livestock through restricted skies at night
knows if you’re “bad” or “good,” no appeal, no court
just vibes and vibes alone decide your moral report

pre+chorus
cookies as hush money, milk as a bribe
this feels less “holiday” and more “inside job” vibes
chorus
santa is a criminal, wearing cheer as a mask
breaking and entering like it’s a seasonal task
he’s got eyes on you 24/7, no cap
that’s not a naughty list—that’s a data map

bridge
i’m not saying he’s evil…
i’m just saying if i did this, i’d be on the news

verse 3
no fingerprints, no witnesses, straight up ghost
laughs “ho ho ho” like that helps him the most
elf labor situation? let’s not pretend
that north pole hr’s got much to defend

final chorus
santa is a criminal, but we let it slide
‘cause he brings new socks and a playstation 5
so lock your doors, smile big, and act surprised
when a magical felon drops gifts and violates your privacy

outro
merry christmas… and remember: consent matters, even in december

- fayden walker lyrics

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