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fear the white noise - alive lyrics

[intro]
first thing i want to say is that i’m sorry to my family
and please forgive me

[verse]
apparently, i wasn’t aware to see that i was staring the devil in the face
tried to play my ace but it looked away
took me to a place that was too early to see
on the edgy of the metal, faced by god and the devil
almost made my pick before i was ready to settle
supposed to be the rebel, snow was ready to shovel
nose ready to pose til my ears steaming a kettlе
i went comatose from an overdosе
noose around my neck, who pulled the rope
almost recalled from a speedball
made the sp+ce in my cage, heart dropped the beat dawg
heart stopped then the cards dropped
ripped the roof off the hardtop
brain was displayed on a blank page where you couldn’t see the pain
but it could see the rage building inside
but i could feel the rain when my mother cried
sorry that i died to maintain the lie that my
seven to heaven was just a 7 eleven
second guessing every message
had the weapon pointed in the wrong direction
swimming through the wreckage now, feeling disappointed
cuz everything i went through could’ve been avoided
i was so disjointed that i was blind
blame the others for a fault that couldn’t be mine
i was the victim of a bad system
where i can’t blame you for bad decisions
now making revisions to disposition
p+ssed in my own cup then p+ssed for sipping
sorry that i listened to the wrong people
trying to escape my inner evil
that’s what i thought really just sadness
abusing highs turning it to madness
but it’s time to cash in, throw in the towel
still have my doubts, no longer a coward
turning my sour into my power
cuz i o u at least the rest of the vowels
always felt bad cuz i never had anything to ever to give back
didn’t have the funds to buy gifts for christmas
and that’s the only thing that was on my wishlist
was given rebirth which more than i deserved
spent my last year wallowing in the dirt
i don’t deserve the family i have so for now i’m working on giving back
i was speeding down to the dreamy house
disguised and covering the demon’s mouth
now taken the scenic route, slowing down to see
where i am and where i want to be
this ain’t a plea, this is a promise
to all the bullsh+t i was doing, i am off it
i’m producing this music, getting back on it
no longer being a big baby, burn my crib and bonnet
my mind is lost traded it for my soul
and there will still be days i feel the pull
cuz i feel too dull, sad and alone
everybody’s in my head but n0body is home
now that just gets me in my zone
won’t turn this sound down until i flip this frown round
even if it gets me kicked out of my townhouse
become a street king wearing a burger king crown round
used to have the mindset i wanted to die
but i’ve died and never felt more alive
and i know that just ain’t fair
my homeboy died and he had to stay there
so we will all say our prayers to help pay for a straight fare
we will be reunited when i have little more grey hair
rushing through these lines like i was in my life
and i mean these rhymes, cocaine is off the mind
for the most part, but i can still hear it whisper
only need to breathe a kittens whisker
xanax and valium mixed with a wick
with a cup full of drink that i could sip, sip
but i hit the triple six, six when lines were crossed
now i’m back i can see how much time was lost
tossed in the basket, flushed down the john
behaving but craving will never be gone
now i sing the songs, no longer waste my energy on enemies who always found a friend in me
that defended me to protect themselves
respected them to neglect myself
now reflecting on myself, looking in the mirror
breaking out of my cell, breaking my eggsh+ll
i’m booting my cravings and boosting my ratings
your booing and raving like cooing and waving
i’m moving at paces that cannot be traced
moving to places can’t stay in one place
you will appreciate if you replicate
don’t listen to it if it doesn’t resonate
this is to show you i am not above you
i am in the same crowd, i am among you
hope you can grow from hearing my struggle
you gotta push up to gain the muscle
and to mom, dad, chelsea
give me a hug and know that i love you

- fear the white noise lyrics

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