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feldup - untitled (the party is over) lyrics

[verse 1]
i guess it’s this one, the one pill you shouldn’t take
this is it, my swan song but in a pathetic way
i don’t know what happened, maybe it’s my emotions
or i’ve taken too much of my prescriptions
it started with just that : prescriptions
it escalated quickly now it’s an addiction
there’s a nurse in the ambulance right now
i heard her say, there’s a few minutes left before i die
it shakes they are going so f-cking fast
i don’t wanna die it’s quite ironic
i tried to k!ll myself so many times now i just want to live
and yeah there’s an intense pain in my heart
it’s been aching and aching so hard
i’m trying to grieve to mourn my own death
to accept, my regrets, the percocets i take
they took my breath. i’m so f-cking cold
and burning at the same time
why ? why does it have to happen right now ?
i never told karen that i loved her
i didn’t say enough that i loved my brothers
i didn’t play in any concert, any song to
my grandmother, my father
and the ambulance stops, they take me in a hurry
am i worth the investment ? they are so many…
nurses, surgeons i have no idea what they are doing
they are running around, spinning, spinning
they are pulling tubes in, injecting morphine
they sting, bringing more medicine
i’m trying to scream but i can’t make a sound
i’m pushing so hard on my throat but nothing comes out
i’m trying to leave this quiet mind
but nothing won’t let me come back
and i’m slowly running out of time
i didn’t want this to happen right now
about to flatline
my mother and my father are not here
i know they are divorcing but i’m dying
mathew, my brother, why are you here ?
i don’t want you to see me dead
you won’t be able to save me
please don’t get upset
just let me go and have no remorse, no regret
please. please it hurts me to see you cry even harder
every second the echo of your weeping gets louder
karen, charles, why did you come over ?
go home now the party is over
just try to move on, tell her i love her
her smile is the only thing that matters
mathew stop banging on the wall, screaming
stop shouting they won’t let you in
i see some flashes of a life i never liked
reminding me how f-cking cold i was inside
all the times i attempted suicide
all the times i disappointed aline
all the times i didn’t call you aline
and alice i’m walking towards you
i can see you on the other side of the room
the thought of a life without people like you
i’ve never been able to move on to something new
i’m stuck and i had to walk down the hall
with your pictures hung all over the walls
with your name fading away from the speeches
a memory sucking on my blood like leeches
craving a time where it didn’t have to be this difficult
where i had not the feeling it was my fault
i’m sorry alice, i lost myself
i wish we could have talked more
i’m trying to keep your memory alive
i can’t no more
there’s a voice in my head yelling i f-cked up
i’m trying so hard to wake up
my limbs are numb, i’m hovering over my body
i’m trying to fly back inside but they won’t let me
f-ck it. my parents aren’t here yet
they are gonna regret and blame it on themselves
they are gonna forget, this trainwreck
the pictures of my face, my room will be replaced
my legacy will be erased
so they can grieve my death
i’ve died i guess on an hospital bed
with my last gasping breath
i’m sorry surgeons, and i’m sorry nurses
sorry to everyone who cared
sorry if i wasn’t there, sorry charles
i know you thought it was getting better
but karma’s swinging at me for my failures
sorry mom, sorry dad
those texts i shouldn’t have looked at
sorry my teachers, my friends
who believed every word i said
where i told them i was fine
while in the hospital dying
and i’m sorry for everyone i lied to
i’m sorry if it was you
please do what i told you to do
i’m sorry mathew
go to florence and taste it
make it a trip you’ll never forget
and sorry brothers
if i wasn’t always there with you
if i prefered singing in the streets
rather than being with you
cuz i would think too much on making my dreams come true
i forgot taking care of my family was important too
and when i saw you crying after the divorce
i realized i should have seen you and been with you there along
and sorry for all the mistakes, for all the misteps
the laziness, sorry for everything, it’s too late
but somewhere i know you can hear it
sorry karen, sorry everyone
i see surgeons throwing sh-t on the ground
screaming at eachother, running all around
nurses run in the room, so many people come in
they press on my chest, lean over the bed
try to fill the leaks of blood and the lack of air
things are getting blurry
i’m slowly distancing myself from this dream
and i hear nothing
except an infinite echo of my brother’s scream
getting louder every second
as i fly in the tunnel
my mind is not in the hospital anymore
and then i feel a shock, just when i was feeling peace
every turns to black, i can’t even think
this is it, i’m dead
but shocks keep coming
a second, a third, a fourth, i’m shaking
i wish the pain i’m feeling could be the end of my death
i wish the pain in my chest could be a brand new breath
i wish my brother had calmed down
i just know the trauma is there no matter what
i hear a small thump, don’t know where it started
i guess it’s the echo of my heart
i’m yelling inside
is it the end
please god
please god give me a second chance
please, please…

[verse 2]
when i woke up noone was in the room
i died on the first of july and woke up on the fourth
it’s 8am, i guess it’s time
i pull the tubes out as the alarms out of tune
i open the door, mathew and karen are sleeping
i lay a kiss on her forehead she doesn’t wake up
tears are running on my face
you know it right that the party never should have started in the first place
the party never should have started in the first place

- feldup lyrics

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