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flo & joan - assister suicide - recorded live in london lyrics

joan: (spoken)
so this is if you so kindly asked, how i would k!ll you

[verse 1] (sung)
i’d take you to a quiet spot upon a lake
we’d sit and feed the ducks, on the lake
and then i’d take you for a cup of tea and cake
cause i know you like tea, and i know you like cake

[verse 2]
we’d sit and talk about your favourite things
like chicken nuggets, and other stuff
and while you’re not looking, i’d slip fentanyl in your tea
and then i’d take you home and let you pass away quietly

[dialogue break]
flo: (spoken)
thank you

joan:
you’re very welcome. you thought it was gonna be horrible, didn’t you?

flo:
yеs, i did

joan:
and it wasn’t
flo:
nope

joan:
so how would you do it for me?

flo:
oh, i’d just throw you down the stairs

joan:
i don’t wanna bе thrown down the stairs

flo:
well, the cool thing about being thrown down the stairs is that, once the initial push has happened, the choice is no longer yours

joan:
can you thi++ i gave you ducks, and… could you think of something a bit nicer?

flo:
what, like a spiral staircase, or like a big gilded staircase, or like a nice carpeted, like…

joan:
na+a+ah. no, no, no. i see people fall down the stairs all the time and they don’t die at the bottom, they just injure themselves. if i’m going to be pushed down the stairs, i want to know i’m gonna die at the++

flo:
okay, so, two++ two follow+ups, then. er, firstly, trust that, er, if i push you, you’d for sure be dead at the bottom. the, er, the second’s more of a, er, query, i think. erm, where are you standing that you see people fall down the stairs all the time? cause you’re the common denominator in that. that’s not a normal thing that happens
joan:
i just gave you a really nice song with ducks and nugs. could you not do something nice in return? (flo: …yeah, okay.) yeah

[verse 3]
flo: (sung)
i’d take you to your favourite library. (joan: (spoken) that’s nice.)
the one with all of the stairs. (joan: noooo.)

(spoken)
absolutely fulfilled the brief

- flo joan lyrics

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