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fløwer. - but i’m not suicidal. lyrics

[intro]
the more i shut up
the less they’ll know about me…

[hook]
i said, f-ck you
you said, f-ck me
we said, f-ck life
man, just f-ck everything
i hate this and you hate that
n-body cares that a “happy” person made a suicidal rap

[verse 1]
dear “loved ones”…
i’ma “happy” person with a lot of “hope”
lately i’ve been thinkin bout hangin’ myself from this lovely precious rope
but you know i’m not suicidal cause that’s crazy to f-ckin’ be
unless you say it’s okay to talk about it, than maybe i’ll come clean
honestly i hate myself, i really don’t wanna be here
i drive everyone away with my insecurity, sensitivity, and fear
i don’t need your f-ckin’ attention and sympathy
you’re not my friend, you’re more like my enemy
you never comfort me, you always come for me
every single day i feel my heart getting colder
i’m the person that’s always angry and a “little” f-ckin’ bipolar
my good memories aren’t really good memories, they’re more like f-ckin’ torture
i might be smiling in the light but i’m secretly crying in the dark
some would say “just get over it”
i really wish it was that easy to erase these terrible feelings that was planted in my mind and heart
so please, don’t debate with me about something i personally feel
i told y’all when i start this writing sh-t again, i’m gonna keep this whole thing real
i’m not having these disturbing thoughts right now cause my mind is on chill
but i got my pen and paper right next to me, just in case i need to spill

[bridge x2]
i really don’t feel alive
i thought about suicide
i’m out of my f-ckin’ mind
no, i’m not f-ckin fine

[hook]
i said, f-ck you
you said, f-ck me
we said, f-ck life
man, just f-ck everything
i hate this and you hate that
n-body cares that a “happy” person made a suicidal rap

[verse 2]
dear “loved ones”…
i’ll never be missed
i’ll never be important to anyone cause i’ll never existed
look how beautiful the red rain fall straight from my wrist
i wear these long sleeve shirts just to hide the scar i left on my vein
i may look happy but i’m secretly in pain
i’m not the same, i’m walking with shame, once things was fallin’ apart i was the first to blame
every single day i’m kissin’ yo -ss just to keep you longer in my life
even though that sh-t makes me feel so mad but for you, i just gotta play nice
even though i’m hurtin’ so bad but for you i just gotta soak my issues in some ice
i’m really bad at makin’ excuses whenever i’m feelin’ guilty and bothered
it’s 5 o’clock in the morning, and i’m drinkin’ cranberry juice with vodka
it’s really hard for me to balance my bipolar disorder and my emotional trauma
it’s really hard for me to sleep at night cause i’m always thinkin’ about my sister and father
got these mini flashbacks coming across my ill mind
i look real stupid for tryna get back what used to be mine
i hate the fact that, i’m bipolar and emotionally disturbed
yeah…you that “special someone” that can always “hear” my pain without me sayin’ a word
i’ma dead soul that’s desperately screaming for revival
but all of this sh-t doesn’t mean a n-gg- is suicidal

[hook]
i said, f-ck you
you said, f-ck me
we said, f-ck life
man, just f-ck everything
i hate this and you hate that
n-body cares that a “happy” person made a suicidal rap

[bridge]
i really don’t feel alive
i thought about suicide
i’m out of my f-ckin’ mind
no, i’m not f-ckin fine

- flower lyrics

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