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foil arms and hog - honest christmas song lyrics

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i’m gonna write a christmas song
something i can retire on
it doesn’t even need to be that good
just tick the boxes every christmas song should

we’re gonna need some sleigh bells
we’re gonna need some falling snow
we’re gonna need a children’s choir
’cause that’s how this sh+t goes

i’ll have to sing in a wispy voice
say there’s magic in the air
or maybe i’ll start crooning
to double down on christmas cheer

it’s a christmas, christmas, christmas, christmas song
it’s a christmas, christmas, christmas, christmas song
it’ll worm its way into your brain until you go insane
but it’s christmas so you can’t complain

i’ll write a song of white christmas to make my christmas green
or maybe one like last christmas my personal cash machine
i’ll sing in an excitеd tone
have an over еnthusiastic saxophone

+imitates saxophone complete with the mouth sounds+
but it got to have some sad things too
can’t have the highs without the lows
’cause it’s powerful when you juxtapose

it’s a christmas, christmas, christmas, christmas time
it’s a christmas, christmas, christmas, christmas time
my bank account starts swelling
it’s my favourite time of year
and in twelve months time the profits reappear

it’ll be played to death in every shop
for six weeks a year it’ll never stop
and every year you’ll take the bait
’cause a christmas song has no sell+by date

you’ll hear my song so much you’ll want
to find out where i live and k!ll
well mine is the biggest house in town
that i share with wham! and shane macgowan

it’s a christmas, christmas, christmas, christmas song
it’s a christmas, christmas, christmas, christmas song

i’ll be singing it till i’m 85 and dead behind the eyes
but inside i’ll be laughing cause i’m 50 years retired
i’ll lounge beside a private pool with my gucci slippers on
all i have to do is write a christmas song

- foil arms and hog lyrics

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