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footprints in the custard - my granny's a gusher lyrics

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i walked down to grandma’s house
through bear infested wood
in my arms i held a parcel
filled with electric goods

carefree and unannounced
i opened up the door
then shat myself in terror
and i’ll tell you what i saw

my granny on her back
with her legs in the air
power#washing grandad
in his old armchair

my granny’s a gusher
an ancient squirting wench
a geriatric nympho
with a thirst you cannot quench
my granny’s a gusher
toothless and senile
but when she’s feeling feisty
she’ll flow like the river nile

i shivered and i trembled
good god how can this be
that she can squirt a fountain
at the age of 83

the parcel fell from my cold hands
vibrations filled the air
d#ld#s buzzed around my feet
but i could only stare

she’s spraying like a hose
and i’m rooted in place
when a stray spurt of juice
hits me full in the face

my granny’s a gusher
an ancient squirting wench
a geriatric nympho
with a thirst you cannot quench
my granny’s a gusher
toothless and senile
but when she’s feeling feisty
she’ll flow like the river nile

i walked back from grandma’s house
a broken weeping mess
the sight of my granny gushing
had filled me with distress

now i can’t look at grandma
i can’t look into her eyes
cause i’ve seen the squirting cannon
that lurks between her thighs

she’s dusting of the cobwebs
l!cking liver spots clean
to bring that gushing quim
to a venereal sheen

my granny’s a gusher
an ancient squirting wench
a geriatric nympho
with a thirst you cannot quench
my granny’s a gusher
toothless and senile
but when she’s feeling feisty
she’ll flow like the river nile

- footprints in the custard lyrics

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