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forbidden broadway - matilda lyrics

(to the tune of “miracle”)

ensemble soloists:
my mummy says i’m a triple threat
my daddy says i am special for my age
i am a dancer and i love to act
i should play matilda on a broadway stage!
my daddy says that he’s gotten me an agent
found me a commercial on tv
and he thinks i’m great, though i’m really second-rate
he’s counting on my paycheck- one, two, four, three
my mummy loves “billy elliot,”
so she put my -ss in a ballet cl-ss
i played billy elliot on the philippine tour
i beat out all the rest, and there’s billy, i’m the best!
as annie, i’m so enjoyable
i’m so brilliantly, resiliently employable

ensemble:
you can be all cynical, but it’s a (?)
there’s never been a miracle, a triple threat and loyable as me!

matthew warchus (spoken):
good afternoon

(ensemble screams, terrified, and matthew warchus continues)

children. i am your director, matthew warchus trunchbull, and i am here to school you in the exploiting art of british children’s musicals. you are not triple threats. you are vermin with equity cards. well, this isn’t “annie” or “billy elliot.” i shall crush you, like a “spider-man” hydraulic. i shall make your ears bleed like a frank wildhorn score. i shall destroy your name like john travolta!

matilda (spoken):
but that’s not right!

(to the tune of “revolting children”)

matthew warchus:
whoa…
i love exploiting children
i love exploiting shows
i rip their little hineys
and i line them up in rows
i love exploiting children who think they’re little stars
their egos are deflated when they’re hated

ensemble:
we are exploited children in these exploited times
we sing exhausting songs, we use explicit rhymes
we are exploited children

matthew warchus:
hard work is never fun

soloist:
daddy loves my hoity-toity

ensemble:
he’s exploiting!

matthew warchus (spoken):
my dearest matilda, were you a little incomprehensible in your performance today?

matilda (spoken):
no, no, no, (etc.)

matthew warchus (spoken):
that’s what i thought. here’s your pink slip- you’re fired!

matilda (spoken):
but that’s not right! i won a quarter of a tony!
(matthew warchus laughs in background)

(sung)

ensemble soloists:
in every show they need a child
we’re offered fame and fun, and then we are beguiled!
and then we see how the dances are styled

matthew warchus:
our new (?) work is piled

ensemble soloists:
we work like slaves, and we go wild

ensemble:
but we’re not crazy, we’re exploited!
we are exploited children, and we dance until we drop
we’re in exploited shows

matthew warchus:
we sing obnoxious pop
i love exploiting children; i torture every one

ensemble:
and rehearsing us at recess is exploitive!
we are exploited children in these exploited times
we sing exhausting songs, we use explicit rhymes

matthew warchus (overlapping):
whoa…

ensemble:
we are exploited children, hard work is never fun
we’re not crazy; we’re just lazy and exploited!

matthew warchus (spoken):
maggots

- forbidden broadway lyrics

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