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four bitchin' babes - l.a.f.f. (ladies against fanny floss) lyrics

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[verse 1]
when our stretch marks look like the new jersey turnpike
mapped from navel to knees
when the bottom’s best feature is its interesting texture
the sign of a fine cottage cheese
when we search for the perfect bathing suit
that will cover our -ssets and still look cute
is this an impossible, hopeless pursuit
or are we just hard to please?

oh, when will we finally find the designer we need
who will heed our demand?
or a style at the sh0r- where less is not more
to guard the parts that are best left untanned?
we need more protection than spandex rags
something cut larger than luggage tags
tied with dental floss onto our saddle bags
don’t hide your heads in the sand

[chorus]
and we’re talking to you, fashion avenue
we’re not going to take any more
we’re your mothers and mistresses, wives and sisters
united from sh0r- to sh0r-
we are standing erect with our hands on our chests
four inches above the floor
and we’re asking you, fashion avenue
for a little more support

[verse 2]
swimsuits abound for the 98-pounder
whose legs alone measure five feet
here’s a fine idea: try a line this year
for women who actually eat
not for half-naked nymphs found posing between
the pages— of course!— of a sports magazine
but swimsuits for those of us more likely seen
between pages of bon appet-t

our legs do not end where our armpits begin;
we want a realistic design
a little more coverage, a little less skin
some vertical stripes would be simply divine
swimwear that won’t self-destruct with a wave
fashion to flatter the not-so-brave
at least let us know where to stop when we shave
where do we draw the line?

[chorus]
and we’re talking to you, fashion avenue
we’re not going to take any more
we’re your mothers and mistresses, wives and sisters
united from sh0r- to sh0r-
we are standing erect with our hands on our chests
two inches above the floor
and we’re asking you, fashion avenue
for a little more support

[verse 3]
one day we may see our feminist family
rise from the underground
despite father time and weird uncle gravity
constantly pulling us down
this dysfunctional system will finally heal
even our sisters with abs of steel
will all too suddenly know how we feel
ten years and two babies from now

and when we connect and command your respect
effectively paying our dues
your very language shall be more correct
fat is a word you will no longer use
those negative terms only grate on our nerves
give adipose tissue the name it deserves
call it … “personal strategic energy reserves”
and call stretch marks “organic tattoos”

[chorus]
and we’re talking to you, fashion avenue
we’re not going to take any more
we’re your mothers and mistresses, wives and sisters
united from sh0r- to sh0r-
we are standing erect with our hands on our chests
— upon the floor
and we’re asking you, fashion avenue
for a little more support

- four bitchin babes lyrics

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