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frank zappa - lonesome cowboy burt lyrics

my name is swaggart
i am an -sshole
all my friends,
they call me “jim”
(hi, jim!)
i’m from louisiana,
i make lots of money,
but i f-cked up
and commited a sin

come out here to californy,
just to find me
some pretty girls
(no sh-t!)
the ones i seen
gets me so h-rny;
ruby lips,
‘n teeth like pearls!

wanna love ’em all!
in the name of jesus!
wanna pretty girl
i’ll even pay!
i’ll buy ’em furs!
i’ll buy ’em jewelry!
i’ll never f-ck them;
here’s what i say:

i’m lonesome cowboy jim!
(speakin’ atcha!)
i only give ’em the tips of him!
(posin’ atcha!)
my cowboy pants,
my cowboy dance,
my bold advance,
on this here prost-tute…
yodel-oh-oo-pee-hey
yodel-oh-oo-pee!

(he’s lonesome cowboy jim
look at the tip of him!)
come on in this place,
‘n i’ll buy you a taste,
you can sit on my face –
where’s my prost-tute/waitress?

swaggart, swaggart redneck (thank you!)
swaggart, swaggart redneck (yessir!)

i’m an awful nice guy! (so you say)
i sweat all day in the sun! (oh yeah, yeah)
i’m a preacher by trade,
quite a bundle like me,
and i’m a feature ol’ mumble-mumble
son-of-a-gun!
(he’s a unionized roofin’ old
son-of-a-gun!)
fill in the blank!

when i get off, i get,
when i get off, i get,
when… i, i, i, i,
and then, sharkey says:
when i get off (pfft!)
i get sinful
(just the tip! only the tip now, come on)
i spoo
till i goo
on the rug
then i find me
some eighteen ninety-five luiann—, louisiana style prost-tute
and make her do p-rnographic stunts while i watch
and i have
so much fun
jay-zus! jay-zus!
(p-rnographic stunts and i have so much fun)
(what?)

i huff
and i puff
(hratche-plche
hratche-plche)
and i pump up my sanctified erection
till my cheeks
puff up
an’ turn red
along with my neck
(say, varmint!)
i drool
on my shirt
takes a little while before i squirt
but i’ve been doin’ it for twenty years and they haven’t caught me yet
uh-oh!
made a mistake this time!
now i’ve sinned
everybody!
(what an -sshole!)
made a mistake and i sinned, uh!
made a mistake and i sinned, ow!
made a mistake and i sinned, what?
made a mistake and i sinned

lonesome cowboy jim!
(sinnin’ atcha!)
come smell this fringe-y shirt!
(grinnin’ atcha!)
my cowboy pants,
my cowboy dance,
my bold advance,
on this here prost-tute…
yodel-oh-oo-pee-yeh
yodel-oh-oo-pee!

(he’s lonesome cowboy jim
boo-hoo-hoo-hoo
don’t you dare to laugh at him)
(oh, tune me in now)
come on in this place,
an’ i’ll buy you a taste,
‘n you can sit on my face
where’s my prost-tute?
opal, you hot little b-tch!

- frank zappa lyrics

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