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frank zappa – titties ‘n beer [different edit] lyrics

it was the blackest night
there was no moon in sight
you know the stars ain’t shinin’
’cause the sky’s too tight
i heard the scarey wind
i seen some ugly trees
there was a werewolf honkin’
‘long the side of me

i’m mean ‘n i’m bad, y’know i ain’t no sissy
got a big+titty girly by the name of chrissy
talkin’ about her ‘n my bike ‘n me . .
‘n this ride up the mountain of mystery, mystery

i noticed even the crickets
were actin’ weird up here
‘n so i figured i might
just drink a little beer
i said, “gimme summa that what yer suckin’ on . . . ”
but there was no reply
’cause she was gone . .

“where’s those titties i like so well, ‘n my godd+mn beer!”
is what i started to yell, then i heard this noise
like a crunchin’ twig, ‘n up jumped the devil . .
he’s about this big . .
he had a red suit on
an’ a widow’s peak
an’ then a pointed tail
‘n like a sulphur reek
yes, it was him awright
i sweared i knowed it was
he had some human flesh
stuck underneath his claws
you know, it looked to me
like it was titty skin
i said, “you sonofab+tch!”
’cause i was mad at him
well he just got out his floss
‘n started cleanin’ his fang
so i shot him with my shooter
said: bang bang bang

then the sucker just laughed ‘n said:

terry:
oh, put it away . .
you know, i ate her all up . . . now what you gonna say?

fz:
you ate my chrissy?
terry:
titties ‘n all!

fz:
well, what about the beer then, boy?

terry:
ah . . . were the cans this tall?

fz:
even her boots?

terry:
would i lie to you?

fz:
sh+t, you musta been hungry!

terry:
yes, this is true

fz:
don’t they pay you good
for the stuff that you do?

terry:
well, you know
i can’t complain when the checks come through . .
fz:
well i want my chrissy
‘n i want my beer
so you just barf it back up
now, devil, do you hear?

terry:
blow it out your ass, motorcycle man!
i mean, i am the devil
do you understand?
just what will you give me for your
titties and beer?
i suppose you noticed this little contract here . .

fz:
yer goddam right, you
son+of+a+wh0re

terry:
don’t call me that!

fz:
that’s about the only reason i learned writin’ for . .
gimme that paper . . . bet yer ass i will sign . .
because i need a beer
‘n it’s titty+squeezin’ time!

terry:
man, you can’t fool me . . . you ain’t that bad . .
i mean you shoulda seen some of the souls that i’ve had . .

fz:
oh, yeah?

terry:
why there was milhous nixon ‘n agnew, too . .
‘n both of those suckers was worse ‘n you . .

fz:
well, let’s make a deal if you think that’s true
i mean, you’re the devil so . .
whatcha gonna do?

terry: wait a minute, a tinge of doubt crosses my mind when you say that you want to make a deal with me
fz: that’s very, very true
terry: wait, you ain’t supposed to wanna make a deal with me
fz: ah, but i’m slightly different than your average customer, devil
terry: but, wait, but most people don’t want to make a deal with me. wha . .
fz: i’m only interested in two things, that’s titties and beer, you know what i mean?
terry: what?
fz: yeah
terry: titties and beer?
fz: titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer . .
terry: (growling) whoa, i don’t know if you’re the right guy!
fz: . . . titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer . .

terry:
no! don’t sign it! give me time to think . .
i mean . .

fz:
alright!

terry:
hold on a second, boy . .
’cause that’s magic ink!

and then the devil let go of his pickle
‘n out jumped m’girl
they heard the titties plop+ploppin’
all around the world, she said:

“i got me three beers ‘n a fist fulla downs
an’ i’m gonna get ripped, so f+ck you clowns!”

then she gave us the finger
it was rigid ‘n stiff
that’s when the devil, he farted
an’ she went right over the cliff

(whoa . . . tinsel time!)

well, the devil was mad
i took off to my pad
i swear i do declare!
how did she get back there?
i swear i do declare!
how did she get back there?
i swear i do declare!
how did she get back there?
i swear i do declare!
how did she get back there?

- frank zappa lyrics

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