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freddie lewis - growing pains lyrics

when i was little i felt the weight of something bigger
couldn’t put my finger on it without feeling like it’s on the trigger
of a weapon i don’t understand or even know the name of
but i was staring down the barrel of myself like a face+off

the mirror’s looking at me funny
flutter feeling in my tummy
how the h+ll do i become me?

when i grew taller i felt the weight grow with me
like i was living in the suburbs but my home was in the city
it’s a pity, cause i know that i’m pretty
but in a way that never fit me like the dresses in my broken closet
it wasn’t easy was it
dwelling in a prison called my epidermis
growing pains, but with a different kind of hurting
and the worst thing, is that when i see myself i’m looking twice
i know that i’m in there, but part of me’s a poltergeist
from a different life
that was never mine
i find segments of myself a couple beats out of time

the mirror’s looking at me funny
flutter feeling in my tummy
how the h+ll do i become me?
the mirror’s looking at me funny
flutter feeling in my tummy
how the h+ll do i become me?
then out the other side of the danger years wiping off my tears
with a nametag made of jetlag and my biggest fears
whiplash, and dreaming of a mustache
i’m sitting on the bus back and i see it just like that
the rest of my days that were fading fast they start to fl!cker
a bright red light, i press play and i shake off the bitter
the kid in the mirror started smiling like i’ve never seen
and with the help of a prescription, and a self+love remedy he starts to look like me
peel off the layers of pain and the heavy’s subsiding
and the inside’s less violent
and the outside tells the truth, and the world can see it brighter
when i was little i felt the weight of something bigger but i’ve never felt lighter
and i’m a fighter, i will not give in
and i’m just lucky to be out here existing
in a flesh house of bones that i call home
no more growing pains ’cause i’m all grown

this is a poem for all the boys who cry in the mirror before they get in the shower
or forget that being themselves is a superpower
one day things will look brighter
your mind shines with truth and kindness
and you make your mum proud
you already teach others to love loud
one day the love you have for the inside of you
will be matched when your gaze meets itself
in the reflective glass hung on the wall
and you’ll catch your face in your hands and it’ll feel like yours
one day your body will be your home
and you’ll be everything you wanna be
and the boy in the mirror won’t cry anymore

- freddie lewis lyrics

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