fts je$e g - suffer lyrics
intro
this is all a true story and this is how it is in life
verse 1:
it was a faithful november morning
i had the pills in my hand and my tears they were pouring
i had ’bout 30 and i was hoping to die
and wanted to overdose so i didn’t live this life
so i turned on music and popped one by one
now if this didn’t work i was gonna grab a gun
i finished them off and walked into her room
i apologized to the first person it was my sister too
she looked at me asking “je$$e what’s wrong”
i only replied with “don’t tell mom”
“i don’t want this weight to be on her shoulders
i just wanna say i’m sorry i won’t get to see you guys all grow older”
isn’t it funny how people looked me in my face
saying being suicidal was only me being fake
it’s kind of crazy
verse 2:
i remember the first time i called my mom
from this place where i was held
i told her i was writing some songs
and she asked me if there was anything that i could tell
so i told her everything thing that i could
and through my voice cracking i said that i was good
this was the first ever time i told her i loved her
the first time i ever said it to my own mother
now truth is that that really hurts
hits me in the bottom of my heart
where there is a black hole
it’s sitting there, sitting in place of my soul
when i did this there is a reason
a couple things in my life that make me feel defeated
could it all be because of the night i got raped
could that be the reason that i fully changed
into a complete and suicidal mess
is that why i think that i got nothing left
and is that the reason i tightened the belt around my neck
verse 3:
i took pills any i could grab
i took them all, the ones that i could snag
then my parents found out and that caused a problem
they said i was taking them too often
now that didn’t help with the addiction i built
just so i could drown away all the things that i felt
i wanted to find a way so i didn’t suffer
i remember all the horrible things i said to my own mother
look her in the eyes and called her a b-tch
wanted to beat my brother senseless for being a snitch
but they just wanted to help me and i was just blind
only focused on taking the blade to my wrist to slice
but those are decisions i still regret today
maybe suffering is the best way for me to change
i don’t wanna suffer anymore but i’ll just do it when i shut the door
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