flanders swann – the gnu song lyrics
flanders: a year ago, last thursday, i was strolling in
the zoo,
when i met a man who thought he knew the lot.
he was laying down the law about the habits of baboons,
and the number of quills a porcupine has got.
so i asked him, “what’s that creature there?”. he
answered, “oh, it’s a h-elk”.
i might have gone on thinking that was true.
if the animal in question hadn’t put that chap to
shame,
and remarked, “i h-ain’t a h-elk. i’m a g-nu”.
“i’m a g-nu,
i’m a g-nu,
the g-nicest work of g-nature in the zoo.
i’m a g-nu,
how do you do?
you really ought to k-now w-ho’s w-ho.”
“i’m a g-nu, spelt g-n-u.
i’m g-not a camel or a kangaroo.
so let me introduce,
i’m g-neither man or moose,
oh, g-know, g-know, g-know,
i’m a g-nu!”
i had taken furnished lodgings down at rustington-on-
sea,
whence i travelled on to ashton-under-lime it was
actually.
and the second night i stayed there i was wakened from
a dream,
which i’ll tell you all about… some other time.
among the hunting trophies on the wall above my bed,
stuffed and mounted, was a face i thought i knew.
a bison? no, it’s not a bison. an ocapi? it’s unlikely,
really.
could it be a hartebeest?
when i seemed to hear a voice: “i’m a… g-nu…”
“i’m a g-nu,
a g-nother g-nu!
i wish i could g-nash my teeth at you.
i’m a g-nu,
how do you do?
you really ought to k-now w-ho’s w-ho.”
“i’m a g-nu, spelt g-n-u,
call me ‘bison’ or ‘ocapi’ and i’ll sue.
g-nor am i in the least,
like that dreadful hartebeest,
oh, g-no, g-no, g-no…
g-know, g-know, g-know, i’m a g-nu…
g-know, g-know, g-know, i’m a g-nu!
(long applause)
flanders: that’s very g-nice of you.
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