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gary the cool guy – the voice of the quicksand master (skit) lyrics

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[interlude]
h-llo this is the voice of the quicksand master
also known as gary the quicksand master
or the quicksand master gary
or gary the master of quicksand
or the master of quicksand, gary

i am speaking to you from beyond the grave. i died 16 years ago in a puddle of quicksand after having thrown myself in as a result of being depressed after some stupid giant ball sack piece of sh-t idiots pushed me over and broke my legs after walking away from the quicksand which i escaped from after having nearly drowned in it at the release of the sand that is fast and i don’t know how i got in there in the first place i was just stuck. i hope that was easy to understand. oh a don’t worry about my voice, there’s a lot of scottish people in heaven. i’ve picked up the accent. but that’s got nothing to do with why i’m speaking scottish, i actually just fused with the loch ness monster. i’m half man half myth now, guess you could call me somewhat of a legend. hahahahahahaha



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