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geoff berner - what kind of bear am i? lyrics

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you ask me, what kind of bear am i?
i hardly know myself, but i suppose i’ll try
to tell you what kind of bear am i:

they took me from the woods when i was small
played the music, made me dance on the hot, hot, hot coal
they said i almost sounded human when i’d bleat and cry
and you ask me, what kind of bear am i?
you ask me, what kind of bear am i?

i graduated with a master’s in humanity
from the smorgon bear academy
then my master and i, we traveled here and there
every prince and peasant loves a jaunty dancing bear
but i’m not so jaunty now, so i suppose i see why
you ask me, what kind of bear am i?

i ate my master one day and my freedom i gained
with a knife and a fork, just as i had been trained
i had to use a knife and fork just like people do
my master’d pulled all my t++th out, it made him difficult to chew
i passed…
i passed the checkpoints in disguise, using clippers and hair dye
and you ask me, what kind of bear am i?

so now i work the tavern and we share every coin
it pays for the necessities, i can’t complain
i couldn’t live now in the woods, even if i had the chance
i serve the drinks, hear the music and i try not to dance
but sometimes i just can’t stop myself no matter how i try
and you ask me, what kind of bear am i?
why don’t you tell me, what kind of bear am i?

- geoff berner lyrics

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