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george carlin - rice krispies lyrics

got into an argument this morning with my rice krispies. i distinctly heard- “snap, crackle, f-ck him”. i don’t know which one of them said it, y’know. i was reaching for the artificial sweetener at the time and was not looking directly into the bowl. but i told them, i said, “well, you can all just sit right there in the milk. far as i’m concerned you can sit in the milk until i find out which one of you said that.” a little m-ss punishment for my breakfast food. the idea is to turn them against one another. “just sit in the milk!”

of course, dopey me.big punishment! that’s what they do anyway. that’s their job. sitting in the milk. you’ve seen those rice krispies floating along. little beige blisters of air… riding proudly in the milk. but you can’t sink ’em. they oughta use ’em in life jackets; that’s where they need ’em. you can’t sink rice krispies. they float for a long long time. rice krispies would float for a week if you leave the dishes out… i do. rice krispies would float until you’ve gotta knock ’em off the side of the bowl. (chipping sounds) “what’re you doing?” “washing the dishes!” (chipping sounds)

d’ja ever notice that the rice krispies highest on the bowl dry first? it’s because they’re closer to the sun. isn’t that interesting? yes, there is a little science in the show each and every evening. but those rice krispies will float forever-well, you know what they do? they gather together. they gather together in little groups. little groups of eight, ten, twelve, sometimes fourteen, but always an even number. little colonies of rice krispies. but you can’t sink ’em. you try to sink ’em with a spoon, they come up over the side. that’s what the fruit is for. sinking the rice krispies. a good size peach will take down eighty or ninety of ’em every time. if i’m really p-ssed, i’ll drop a watermelon on ’em!

- george carlin lyrics

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