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george carlin - the seven words you can never say on tv lyrics

i love words. i thank you for hearing my words.
i want to tell you something about words that i think is important.
they’re my work, they’re my play, they’re my p-ssion.
words are all we have, really. we have thoughts but thoughts are fluid.
then we -ssign a word to a thought and we’re stuck with that word for
that thought, so be careful with words. i like to think that the same
words that hurt can heal, it is a matter of how you pick them.
there are some people that are not into all the words.
there are some that would have you not use certain words.
there are 400, 000 words in the english language and there are 7
of them you can’t say on television. what a ratio that is.
399, 993 to 7. they must really be bad. they’d have to be outrageous
to be seperated from a group that large. all of you over here, you 7,
bad words. that’s what they told us they were, remember?
“that’s a bad word!” no bad words, bad thoughts, bad intentions,
and words. you know the 7, don’t you, that you can’t say on television?
“sh-t, p-ss, f-ck, c-nt, c-cksucker, motherf-cker, and t-ts”
those are the heavy seven. those are the ones that’ll infect your soul,
curve your spine, and keep the country from winning the war.
“sh-t, p-ss, f-ck, c-nt, c-cksucker, motherf-cker, and t-ts”
wow! …and t-ts doesn’t even belong on the list. that is such a friendly
sounding word. it sounds like a nickname, right? “hey, t-ts, come here,
man. hey t-ts, meet toots. toots, t-ts. t-ts, toots.” it sounds like a
snack, doesn’t it? yes, i know, it is a snack. i don’t mean your s-xist
snack. i mean new nabisco t-ts!, and new cheese t-ts, corn t-ts,
pizza t-ts, sesame t-ts, onion t-ts, tater t-ts. “betcha can’t eat just
one.” that’s true. i usually switch off. but i mean, that word does
not belong on the list. actually none of the words belong on the list,
but you can understand why some of them are there. i’m not
completely insensetive to people’s feelings. i can understand why
some of those words got on the list, like c-cksucker and
motherf-cker. those are heavyweight words. there is a lot going on
there. besides the literal translation and the emotional feeling.
i mean, they’re just busy words. there’s a lot of syllables to contend
with. and those ks, those are agressive sounds. they just jump out at
you like “c-cksucker, motherf-cker. c-cksucker, motherf-cker.”
it’s like an -ssualt on you. we mentioned sh-t earlier, and 2 of the
other 4-letter anglo-saxon words are p-ss and c-nt, which go
together of course. a little accedental humor there. the reason that
p-ss and c-nt are on the list is because a long time ago, there were
certain ladies that said “those are the 2 i am not going to say. i
don’t mind f-ck and sh-t but ‘p’ and ‘c’ are out.”, which led to such
stupid sentences as “okay you f-ckers, i’m going to tinckle now.”
and, of course, the word f-ck. i don’t really, well that’s more
accedental humor, i don’t wanna get into that now because i think
it takes to long. but i do mean that. i think the word f-ck is a very
imprortant word. it is the beginning of life, yet it is a word we use to
hurt one another quite often. people much wiser than i am said,
“i’d rather have my son watch a film with 2 people making love
than 2 people trying to kill one another. i, of course, can agree. it is
a great sentence. i wish i knew who said it first. i agree with that but
i like to take it a step further. i’d like to subst-tute the word f-ck for
the word kill in all of those movie cliches we grew up with. “okay,
sherrif, we’re gonna f-ck you now, but we’re gonna f-ck you slow.”
so maybe next year i’ll have a whole f-ckin’ ramp on the n word.
i hope so. those are the 7 you can never say on television, under any
circ-mstanses. you just cannot say them ever ever ever. not even
clinically. you cannot weave them in on the panel with doc, and ed,
and johnny. i mean, it is just impossible. forget those 7. they’re out.
but there are some 2-way words, those double-meaning words.
remember the ones you giggled at in sixth grade? “…and the c-ck
crowed 3 times” “hey, tha c-ck crowed 3 times. ha ha ha ha. hey, it’s in
the bible. ha ha ha ha. there are some 2-way words, like it is okay for
kirk youdi to say “roberto clametti has 2 b-lls on him.”, but he can’t
say “i think he hurt his b-lls on that play, tony. don’t you? he’s holding
them. he must’ve hurt them, by god.” and the other 2-way word that
goes with that one is prik. it’s okay if it happens to your finger. you
can prik your finger but don’t finger your prik. no, no.

- george carlin lyrics

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