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george plant - the shaggy dog stories - chap. 3 lyrics

chapter 3
jeremy sloan’s hamster jam

jeremy sloan asked his son michael what he’d like for his upcoming sixth birthday. michael said he wanted a hamster, so jeremy visited the local pet shop and found the perfect hamster. the little guy was in the peak of health, so he bought it on the spot. he also bought a cage with a wheel, some food and a water bottle. as he was paying for the birthday present, the store owner said, “any problems whatsoever, just come back here. i live right above the shop and i’ll help you out any time you want.”

jeremy put the hamster and cage in his car and drove home. he left them in there until his son had gone to bed so that he wouldn’t see them when he brought them in. michael’s birthday was the next day, so jeremy got up early to wrap the presents and to check on the hamster. he was horrified to see the hamster was dead at the bottom of the cage; it’s legs stiff in the air. he knew his son would be distraught as the boy had talked about nothing else for weeks. quickly, jeremy put on his coat and drove round to the pet shop and knocked on the owner’s door. he explained the problem and the owner was quite understanding and gave jeremy a new hamster, refusing payment for it

jeremy asked, “what can i do with the old one? i don’t want to bury it as the cat may dig it up and i don’t want to throw it away in case my son sees it in the bin”

the shop owner replied, “what i do is mix up a strong sugar solution – about 1.5 kg of sugar to a litre of water. bring that to a boil and then add the hamster. simmer it about two hours, stirring periodically. it makes quite a nice jam.”

jeremy looked a little bewildered, but says thank you and raced back home. he gave the new hamster to michael who was absolutely thrilled with it. he dashed off to play with it the rest of the day. jeremy decided it was a good time to get rid of the dead hamster, so he tries the pet shop owner’s recipe. he finds the sugar in the pantry and brings the water to a boil. after a couple hours, the mixture has become jam-like so jeremy takes a spoonful, blows on it till it’s cooler, and tastes it. it’s absolutely disgusting. he’s so revolted that he throws the rest of it out the kitchen window, into the flower bed below

a couple days later, jeremy noticed that daffodils were springing up under his kitchen window, right where he tossed that awful concoction. “that’s odd”, he thinks to himself, “i’ve never had daffodils before”

next day, his son asks him to take him to the pet shop to get some more food for his hamster. so jeremy and michael go to the store, and while michael is looking at new hamster toys, the owner asks jeremy, “did you try that recipe i gave you?”

“yes, but it tasted so awful that i threw it out the window. odd thing is, i’ve got daffodils springing up there now.”

“daffodils?” asked the store owner, “are you sure? you usually get tulips from hamster jam.”

- george plant lyrics

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