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god doesn't cry (usa) - the size of time lyrics

i’m vegetating in my own filth
just waiting for the time to pass
inanimation always holds me still
a violated body dies at last
losing my mind trying to stay occupied
an enormous ordeal when you’re living the no life
deny myself the free will of a human being
until i get my chance to finally make my scene
drawing up the blueprints deep inside my head
for how i plan to figure out how to reanimate the dead
all i know is that the source of consciousness starts with a tangle of+
+nerves and synapses
the puzzle here is reaching them and quantifying and transporting
them into a carbon+based platform to operate on
preserve the sentience of a sapient being
let the body die and watch it decompose and bleed
god this is so beyond my means
i just want to make this work so i can bring the dead back
or at least keep the survivors i have and watch the world progress
and manage to be a living part of it
make up for all the time that i’ve lost here rotting
make up for all the incomprehensible time that i’m still losing

intoxicated all day every day
crying most of every other night
no one left here to escape to
nothing left that i can do
just waiting for the plan
just trying to k!ll the time
put a lid on everything in my mind
every day of my f+cking life
the days and nights fade into each other
flashbacks always overlap one another
every conversation that i have is manufactured
no one could ever comprehend
growing up around decomposition

the size of time will break you down i’m sure of it
it doesn’t fit in our narrow perception
it’s crippling my executive function
i’ve got such a f+cking way to go
before
i can put this sh+t behind me
before
i can live a life where i’m free
tethered
for as long as i’ve known
beaten
down by the time i’ve wasted here

blasting through the minutes till i get myself out of this place
i’m raising h+ll and waging war against all monsters that i face
you won’t be able to f+ck me if you had a nations authority
you’ll never get to degrade me and should you try is the day you f+cking die

(you won’t make it out alive)
focus don’t you f+ck up the control you have
recite a list of your surroundings and fight the anxiety
(your existence is someone’s toy)
i am not your ragdoll
touch me again i’ll bite your f+cking hands off
you wanna play that way i’ve got my own little game
and it’s so much dirtier than yours
my house will be guarded with enough guns to send
the atf knocking at my door just to verify that i’m not running around on crystal stockpiling for war time
just leave me alone b+tch, i’ve been f+cked with too much and this time might just be fatal for you
you decide motherf+cker
you just might get to see the
size of time
only when you die
contemplating my escape is all i ever have the time to do
social presence isn’t real until i find myself a new
home to live a new life in
and never f+cking do this sh+t again
i’ve got
so much time
i’ve got so much time

every day a little closer t’ bursting outta prison
find the pieces of my scattered soul i’m missing
fundamentally change the junk ass way i’m living
and end this

- god doesnt cry usa lyrics

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