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groucho marx - strange relatives - uncle julius lyrics

i had an uncle named julius, he was well over four feet.
and i was named after him, ’cause we were under some
peculiar impression that he had money. as a matter of
fact, my father wanted to throw him out of the house, but
my mother said “no, no, i remember, i read a story once
in which a man was supposed to be broke, and when he
died, he left a lot of money”. so they named me julius.
he never worked anyhow, he was just in the house, sitting
there. he finally died, and he left a will. his will
consisted of a celluloid d-ckie, an eightball, and three
razorblades. and besides he owed my father eighty-five
dollars, which he never did get from him.

then we had a sister. she wasn’t really our sister, she
was an adopted sister. the father of that sister had
gotten a look at this girl and fled to canada, and we
never saw him again. but the girl stayed with us, and her
name was polly. polly didn’t.. she wasn’t a bad looking
girl, but her rear end stuck way out. you could play
pinochle on her rear end.

- groucho marx lyrics

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