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guttermouth - jamie's petting zoo lyrics

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i’ve had my pet
since i was nine years old
i loved him and fed him
kept him out of the cold
but one day he attacked
i knew he didn’t love me back
so i grabbed him like a football
and punted fifty yards
now i hate pets
take yourself to the vet
now i hate pets
dolphins trapped in little nets
now i hate pets
you little f-cking
screaming sh-t-bag
i should of let your mother
eat you, little f-cker

so i got a little birdy
and i trained it everyday
he knew 1000 words
but then he flew away
but then i got him back
the f-cker wouldn’t shut his trap
so i took him to the bathroom
and rubbed his beak in sh-t

now i hate pets
spotted owls in their nests
now i hate pets
bagged a deer and made a vest
now i hate pets
birds and bees and bears and bison
pigs and parrots and pandas
i f-cking hate them all!

i was walking through the park
as a snake peeped from his hole
a perfect opportunity
to take the b-st-rd home
i chopped his f-cking head off
with my handy garden hoe
and made a lovely hat-band
for my redneck cousin bo, heee-haaw!

now i hate pets
10,000 volts to the chest
now i hate pets
fed my cat some cigarettes
now i hate pets
you little f-cking
screaming sh-t-bag
b-st-rd
f-ck you, you
f-cking pig-sh-t l!cker, f-ck!

- guttermouth lyrics

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