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half man half biscuit - ballad of climie fisher lyrics

now here comes a story that’s never been told
about the turbulent demise of climie fisher
they had their success and they went separate ways

fisher went to work as a researcher for the bbc education department; rented a flat in norbury, south london. climie moved into the gravel business, with his brother. theirs was the place to go for white dolomite and canterbury spur. it was a small but profitable operation, specialised in large driveways. top of the range was called a “hadleigh”; so named after the tv series.

now keep this in mind
fisher hates gravel
and fisher hates shale
it goes right through him

in the spring of 1995, climie did an interview for “mixed aggregate” magazine, in which he criticised his ex-partner for not giving him the credit he felt he deserved during their days of chart stardom. fisher read the article, became incensed, and started a smear campaign against the brothers’ business which proved immensely damaging. when climie eventually found out who it was that had been trying to destroy his livelihood, he swore revenge – this time with a full-page statement in “asphalt”. one hundred pound a word. spent his last five hundred pounds to say: “you’re a dead man, fisher.”

now here comes a story that’s never been told

in the meantime, fisher had started to pine for his music, and decided to get a band together. do a few gigs; nothing serious, just enjoy it, see what happens, kinda thing. thought it might be fun to do some out-of-the-way venues. so it p-ssed that on october the 3rd 1995, he took to the stage at the duke of marlborough pub in amesbury, on the south-eastern edge of salisbury plain. well of course climie had somehow found out about all this, and was standing right in front of fisher with pockets full of gravel. thirty seconds into the first song and he’s raining his stones down at fisher’s feet. well the music stops. fisher goes beserk. mayhem. police cars.

i’ll tell you a story that’s never been told

- half man half biscuit lyrics

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