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handsovereyes - used to wonder lyrics

[verse]
everyone say i need to grow up
im too focused on the blow-up
im at the end of everyone’s gossip
i pretend i don’t care but yeah some shit stuck
and i wish, i didn’t care about that
but i do, cus’ they say i need to grow up
i don’t sleep around and i don’t do drugs
and my voice loses any kind and clout that i build up
anyone else remember what i’m capable of?
that shit was a mess
yet apart of me still wants to defend that because i want to impress
that i can’t make mistakes, that there’s no second takes
but how long can i take this facade shit it’s a fake
no more self-confidence because of heartbreak
its time i reveal the covers
that i don’t recover, that i spent all summer
just watching my numbers, yeah watching me suffer
i wish i was tougher, i wish i was harder
i wish i was smarter, i wish i was hotter
i wish that i just wouldn’t think
about all the times i hurt others
just stuck to the script
spent all my time online and i flipped
i tried and i tried to have relationships
with all of these f-ckers, they show their true colours
they care more about themselves than all their others
but they go ahead and just hide
do i sell my soul or pride
i put myself up but i don’t know why
i’m just as bad as you but at least i try
to make myself better, remove from the center
even if that means looking at the mirror and cry
i feel like sometimes in my life im just blind
too scared to say what i think and unwind
nowadays i wish the last years could rewind
so i wouldn’t have to pretend to be invincible
cus i’m not, and sometimes i feel invisible
all i needed last year was a f-cking miracle
never own up to my problems, yeah how typical
maybe i should just mumble, slur double syllables
never have time to just think of my own
cus im too scared of being alone
sorry to those close for not answering the phone
im a victim of my add and im way too prone
to blame all of my problems on the mental disorders
all i wanted is a normal life and a couple of daughters
i gotta blow up first before i think about birth
otherwise im too old gotta bring back it to heart
before i give up ill be carried in a he-rs-
im way too obsessed over all these numbers
maybe i should talk to someone instead writing this verse
this rap shit is both a blessing and a curse
rap got me stressing but its also my nurse
end up k!lling hours just to prove to haters
including myself, that im the teams strongest player
one half of my brain is a complete stranger
f-cking told myself i’d make it
where i ended up, surrounded by the fakest
i was the only one who ever believed in myself
rap was my life even if it destroyed my mental health
even if i didn’t really didn’t understand the culture
too young to understand what it meant to be a vulture
i just wanted to raise my middle finger motherf-cker
lip sync along in the mirror i used to wonder

[outro]
i guess im still a child at heart…

- handsovereyes lyrics

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