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happyhappy - father lyrics

well i turned 13 seven years ago
that was the first time i felt i didn’t have a home
’cause razor blades and pairs of scissors strung out on my desk
and when i told you you put them in the closet
next to a notebook where i would pour my love
you took it away from me but i didn’t give it up
and now i wish that i could read those love letters i wrote
her handwriting was atrocious but it made me comfortable

and i spent three years just holding on for dear life
i spent the next three after that just trying to make this life mine
i started smoking cigarettes and i started doing drugs
i would do anything to fill the hole that once housed your love

and then i went to college and things started getting worse
i cut off contact and i started drinking more
and i think it helped for a little while christine would help me through the pain
but then i’d wake up so hungover and full of hate
and my dad thinks i don’t like him and i can’t say that’s not true
’cause after everything that’s happened it’s getting harder to forgive you
and my sisters are moving far away, i think they’re trying to keep their distance
they’ve been warned what i might say by my parents

and i know you know all about victoria
and i know you know everything i was keeping secret
underneath the surface it’s much more than what it seems
dad that’s the saddest smile that i think i’ve ever seen

and now i’m disconnected with everyone i love
i started playing it off like i was cooler and tough
i started rolling with the wrong crowd doing drugs
i started hating myself instead of picking you up

and now i am pushing away everyone that i love
i started telling myself that i was more than enough
i started rolling with the wrong crowd k!lling cops
i started hating myself instead of falling in love

and i know you know all about victoria
and i know you know everything i was keeping secret
underneath the surface it’s much more than what it seems
dad, that’s the saddest smile that i think i’ve ever seen

- happyhappy lyrics

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