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henry phillips - the worst waffle shack (in the nation) lyrics

[live intro]
this is a song about, uh, when you’re driving
it’s really late at night and you, uh
well, i guess i’m not allowed to say the name of the establishment anymore
but, uh, lets call it the “waffle shack”, uhm
and, uh, it’s a great place, for the most part
but sometimes they’re not as good as others
and, uh, this is a song about driving at 6:30 in the morning
and, uh, you pull over
you accidentally find yourself in the worst waffle shack… in the nation
and by the way, this is definetely, like, the hotel california songs
if you have a lighter you wanna hold up or+ you know
girls, if you wanna show your tits or whatever you need to+
i don’t know how it works, you know, i’m not+

[verse 1]
driving down the road you’re a victim of starvation
so you turn into the worst waffle shack in the nation
you don’t need an invitation or a reservation
but you better hope that you’ve got all your vaccinations

[verse 2]
’cause the waitress has no t++th since she’s had her operation
and her forearms are all covered with sh+t and perspiration
and she hasn’t had a bath since desegregation
it’s like eating your breakfast in a f+cking subway station
[verse 3]
the guy on your right picks cabs and inflamation
smokes buds through the hole in his throat for respiration
and the truckers in the corner are in deep hibernation
and everybody else seems to be on probation

[verse 4]
the fry cook seems to need hospitalization
and his spatula shows signs of salival contamination
but you’re hungry so you order from the waffle corporation
before there’s any time for reconsideration
(here’s where it gets a little gross)
(right here)

[chorus]
the waffles, eggs and grids come in combination
and you suck ’em all down just like a greedy crustation
you’re l!cking up the grease like rabbit dalmatian
now you’re scattered, sm+ttered, chunked and then a painful sensation
starts to come in your gut like a colonization of ants
in your pants, it’s a molestation
someone’s bowling in your colon and you need a fumigation
this meal is treating you just like a farrakhan treats caucasians
and now you’re hobbling past the jukebox to the toiletry station
you find it hasn’t been flushed from the previous evacuations
and the toilet seat’s all covered with ej+cul+tion
and you perch on the porcelain with great hesitation
(they have food here too, if anybody is interested)
[post+chorus]
you shout screams if you’re detoxifi++cation
then you fall to the floor from the foul laminations
now you’re lying on the ground that needs sterelization
and you know you won’t receive any ressucitation

[outro]
and then you have a final moment of illumination
waffle shack’s control over population
waffle shack’s control over population
you just died in the worst waffle shack in the nation

- henry phillips lyrics

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