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hideout - hhc - memoir lyrics

i just want you right here with me
i just want you right here with me
and i’ll say it so honestly
and i’ll say it so honestly
i just want you right here with me
i just want you right here with me
and i’ll say it so honestly
and i’ll say it so honestly

the same position im always in
i straddle the bottle of gin
i count a couple, but lost my lover
so i guess i’m no longer christian
i pound the cudgel, but never could judge her
so tell me what is it that’s missing
why is it that i’m always flinching
why is it that i’m always kissing
the concrete
cliche hallmark channel christmas stories
i’m more used to the dramas that leave the protagonist red and gory
genuinely genuflected, i worship my sins on the altar
the pew the peers, godliness next to cleanliness, but i falter
i p+ssyfoot at the door, twiddling thumbs for no one
i’m still stuck ashore after months of rowing
croatoan, i woke up with just me and my thoughts
roanoke, lost my lunch in the grief that never seems to stop
sleigh bells i slave to, but still sink so suddenly
i couldn’t tell you i don’t want you right next to me
if that’s sappy, then that’s me
and i’ll own up to it
gladly, i can stand peace in increments, intermittently
short time, short peaks, short bursts
my creativity back then came only in spurts
still got praise for being based in concert halls to see
even though my tastes had changed from orchestras to el+p
it was long time, long days, long lulls
i thought it was fine when i accepted my role
typecast to the part of goody two shoes past
past lights shone on me but my soul was miscast
right path laid at my feet, take the secure job
or tempt the wrath of defeat from my minds worst mob
all the little thoughts and doubts about my place in the game
do they really have a need for one apollo k?
i can’t say, they say it to me
some made me fall and my friends made me free
like visage of y’all is reflecting on me
recharge the battery with energy
cause you know that no matter how scattered my brains not in tatters
i’ll never expect awards on silver platters
i prove how i groove, if you tarnish my shine
prepare for the fair retribution in rhyme, let’s go

all flows are yellow
it’s new canary style
do i carry smile, blake and mild
i don’t carry smoke, yeah i gotta ride
bonafide, super fly kinda guy
rhymes about the type of day i’m having
like it’s present time
k!lling time, homicide
but not enough to get by
satisfied, never mind
that’s one h+ll of a life
rise and shine, demon time
off my grind, noon to nine
wildstyle rap fest, lucas gave the beat to mine
meditation time, on the line, every other night
when i do unwind, do i sign
stars never align
partly do i lie, heart to heart just to the side
coat of arms, people gas up, all ride+or+dies
right to die, me and mind are eye to eye
side to side, rock n’ roll a little bit
then it’s all hi+to+bye
yeah, oh man
if i decide
dont give a f+ck ‘bout who’s listening
perhaps you can learn a bit from my own wisdom
i could not drink or f+ck the pain out my system
i let the wounds in me make my decisions
denied times i needed a break
dodged the real healing to self medicate
i gave two fingers to keeping the faith
drive into h+ll at god forsaken rates, yeah
i made my mom and dad cry
sickening thoughts about losing my life
kept it together to show the outside
get a d+mn doctorate, thicken the pride, huh
but it’s all this for what?
i’m as burnt out as the half of my blunt
prove to myself nothing ‘bout me to love
but they about me when i put on a front, what?
so what the f+ck does that mean?
so many friends that just never knew me
comprised of some sh+t that was meant to deceive
maybe that’s why i’ve been feeling unseen
f+ck
might just not know who i am
willingly gave lovers the upper hand
they watch me sinking and sink in quicksand
reveal that i struggle and they up and ran
d+mn
point is that i sure ain’t perfect
most what you know is just scratching the surface
took all this time for me to find purpose
serve as a beacon for others who’s hurting
hopping on a stage is jumping in the coldest pool
fear of darker water, i think i felt something move
voice of people laughing at me earlier in school
my father’s disapproval made me doubt me doubt my knowledge too
uh, that’s the reason i’m still in college too
i’m playing small like my bunting average is out the roof
cause i got soul, but i struggle to make it out the shoes
that i’ve been living in ever since they told me what i could do
shoes made of velcro, i’m an elephant
and i was conditioned to see the strength of the chain as relevant
so now i’m stuck to a chain which i could easily break
i just don’t know how to get out my way

but now i’m happier than ever, man
and i think that’s all that matters
i put in work for what i got
it wasn’t served on silver platters
once i accepted that
i leveled up, i raised my standards
it was push through or give up
and i refused to pick the latter
so now i’m dancing in the rain
i make my song the pitter patter
preserve the contents of my soul like it’s conservation of matter
so go ahead, stand in your truth
that’s the bravest sh+t that you can do
and if they’re gonna deny you for it
baby they ain’t meant for you

- hideout hhc lyrics

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