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hkfiftyone - sparkup lyrics

[chorus]
sparking up a joint, but i keep running out of papers
i could never smoke enough to keep my problems on a waiver
every day i just pretend the world could really not be greater
just to justify that i’m okay with everyone’s behavior, like
d+mn it baby, know it hurts me when you do that
i’m just crazy, i’m just too far gone to move back
know i’m lazy, and my mind is getting too lack
know i love you, so i don’t know why i do that

[verse 1]
made a job of pushing everyone away
make sure you stay real far away so you don’t have to see my brain
i’m sorry that i put you through this sh+t like every single day
i know you understand it, too, so i don’t even want to say
[verse 2]
’cause i’m a monster when i’m hurting deep inside
i never mean the things i say, but i won’t swallow all my pride
instead, i anchor down and fight it just to prove i’m always right
and then i run away, break down alone in darkness where i hide

[verse 3]
everyone’s better without me, i know
call me a demon, must not have a soul
say i’ve no heart but feel more than you know
gut+wrenching inside, but i won’t let it show

[verse 4]
so all that you see is a colorless sh+ll
the ghost of a boy that i used to know well
but now i’m a man, so i gotta face h+ll
my inside don’t match, but outside i am well

[verse 5]
if i could spark up just enough to k!ll these thoughts then i would do it
but it only makes me crazy, takes me back to living through it
so i keep on pushing through the limit, know that i can do it
now i’m numb enough to feel okay, but now i think i blew it

[verse 6]
every time i’m mean i know it’s a reflection of myself
and i’m so sorry that i ruined everything and how you felt
but the truth is when you say you love me i completely melt
i’m so scared for all the reasons, they’re the same that we’ve been dealt
[chorus]
sparking up a joint, but i keep running out of papers
i could never smoke enough to keep my problems on a waiver
every day i just pretend the world could really not be greater
just to justify that i’m okay with everyone’s behavior, like
d+mn it baby, know it hurts me when you do that
i’m just crazy, i’m just too far gone to move back
know i’m lazy, and my mind is getting too lack
know i love you, so i don’t know why i do that

- hkfiftyone lyrics

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