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home bowman - grown up lyrics

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i spent alot of my time
broken out of my mind
good days, happy times
now it feels like a life of crime

i wasted all of my
dough on you
and i cherish times of me
holding you
cause i’m loving you
cause i’m loving you

n-body told me i’m safe
i just went right for it
40 people on the list
man i fast forward
i know that it’s really hard
trying to move forward

and i know that i broke your heart
and it’s my doing but i need you
to understand that there’s more to it
than me scr-w-ng up and i do have my own story, yeah

life ain’t easy
life ain’t easy
i did a lot of things i regret , yeah
it was all too easy

n-body counseled me on my own
sometimes i lose all my control
f-ck up all my words
then i leave cause i’m unheard

slowing things down
think my mind might drown
think i might not survive
world crashing right down

got alot to say
but n-body to listen
abandoning my post
instagram feed glistens

i’m not a f-cking role model
i do what i think is best
i indulge in whatever i want
and n-body else test it

if you try you might rest
eternally i bless
you thought they were the one but
they stabbed you in the chest

it’s funny how people
you think that you know
cannot handle a simple suggestion

and even if anyone did
everybody is still
gonna suffer depression

what the f-ck happened to me?
i’m still out here with no answers
since may i been feeling so free
but really its all just been a man’s blur

play this sh-t at the club
so i can rest in the library
send me off with some doves
cause i’m dying on mulberry

sometimes i just feel like i’m trapped in the dirt, stuck with a curse
of never getting the love that i f-cking deserve, and time led me to believe that its always like this
lifted spirit i don’t hear it, all i hear is crisis
every step of the way

won’t you get out of my face and let me go through my day
why
cause i dont hear whatcha sayin
all i hear is f-cking demons and what my teacher was saying

d-mn
sometimes it gets hard
all these girls tryna play me like a f-ckin guitar
morning aches with a hint of azar
got alot of little talents but this my favorite so far

for once i’m trying to be strong
once you go i’ll be holding on
some things you just don’t get over
and there’ll be tears it won’t be long

this time it feels like it’ll be worse
this time i feel i’m not just doomed but i’m cursed
i love to say i don’t love but then again
love pains have never felt worse

my chest is actually hurting this time
and my body is starting to struggle
the happiness that i enjoyed for a time
was really inside of a bubble

you took me and ripped me apart like
a gift provided by your exes
n-body knew all the damage you did when
you left me so broken and stranded

take me back in time
where demons cannot follow me
when i wrote my first song
first grade come and see

grew up with some f-ckin roaches in the house
like jacoby
i got words up in my mind
that will probably set you free

look at the coat
i been out winning the most
f-ck an infinitive though, i ain’t for show
i coulda k!lled it though
coulda been cynical, cynical
coulda been critical
coulda been mystical
coulda been running on top the game
with the side of the fries and the shrimp to go

f-ck it though, beautiful
lookin suitable
you can be one of those
beautiful, pharmaceuticals

you sound like a winner
sound you sinister love
i’m looking like dinner
when you see me you look above uh

cross up i’m doin it
can’t talk when the push comes to shove
f-ck ya tracks you just ruin it
but picture your body with doves

i don’t wanna run around in
sun city
playing with the beats gotta
stay witty
i just stay fire you don’t roll
with it
pull up wit a crown and a dollar 50

broke em on a backscale i f-ck up on the runway
dude’s bouta crash in the andes
sentimental thoughts even tho they say i’m poppin and
i f-ck around die up on the highway

i don’t wanna break no dishes
get up out my way tho i’ma dish it uh
f-ck around i’m making new additions
also gonna do me some division

i just want a piece of the riches
money only thing that got my interest
f-ck when people tell me it’s all love
and then they go off talking like some b-tches

people always told me i would never amount to sh-t
that i got that f-ckin flow but i got nothin on my wrist
im not flexin im not blessing motherf-cker i been lit
im a 16 year old legend living life like its my b-tch

i think its about time that i really spit that flame
i been poppin in my head like my last name was cobain
wait a minute, can we please stop f-ckin using that reference
its getting older and older and each use no longer preference

i dont f-ckin care if you gon tell things about my songs
but keep it real, i dont know anybody else thats goin hard
ethnicity should mean sh-t, i f-ck around wit mean sh-t
i talk alot of that lip, but i dont ever mean sh-t

the lyrical styles f-ckin dying
and i dont know how but somehow we sent it flying
soared for years and then it f-ckin’ crashed, 9-11
what happened to ones k!llin’ peeps, what are we seven?

i been writing these lyrics off and on for months
alone or not i’m still the same writing the bars
i don’t rep my city, i don’t rep 915
all i do is stress my body f-ck the 9 to 5

all i know is backup
all i know is rebound
all i know is washed up
all i know is pain now

tell me that hes better
tell me that hes gone
tell me i’m worth it
but don’t stay too long

gone for the summer
i’m gone for the show
break for the winter i’m
gone before you know

wish you would love me
but at the same time
i never needed the ones
that would lie

influencing my past
influencing my acts
i would die for you
i would shy from you

but the money even shy’er

even if i start getting enough to survive i have to sell my f-cking soul
and even if they dont take 50 percent of that sh-t i still lie in this hole
why the f-ck am i still breathing? i dont even f-cking understand the sh-tty point
n-body wishes i was here so why the f-ck do i even try anymore my joint(s)
are hurting i can feel it ripping through my blood every time you speak…

used to kiss you goodbye at the end of the day
now it’s 5 am i’m feeling like i’m so out of place
thoughts of love and anger and all the sh-t in between
i’ve been putting in the effort but i’m back left on seen

gotta hand it to you, i caught a feeling no one thought i could including me
bust my -ss just to see you smile but i keep on failing
it’s really like 5:30, i just binge watched shows
til my eyes started hurting

then i laid down in bed and then i thought of my life
about my drive on the mountain and my physical strife
anxious but n-body gives a sh-t i’m out of my mind
always gonna be about you til the day you die

i wish i could speak the words i tend to hold in
but the outcome is scarier than me paying for sin
i always run around the col de sac and think about you
but now i’m laying in bed and wonder if this is the end

you’ve said that you love me and you’ve said that
you hate me
i’m not sure what to believe but my choice can be lazy
i hear what i wanna hear i fell in love but don’t make me
find a reason to be wrong i don’t believe that i’m crazy

but maybe i am, they just been saying that i’m lazy
but maybe it’s the capability of things that phase me
parents want me working harder they think that i’m lazy
i just want a penny so i can buy my girl daisies

or maybe they’re to decorate the grave of my
happiness
i know it’s sounding edgy but my mind is on its
fragile kick
cause i really…

i don’t feel like growing up
4/17/18 – 4/10/19

- home bowman lyrics

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