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hotel books - from porterville lyrics

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[intro]
“there’s a solution to every problem
we’re in this together, and i love you
and i don’t want you to leave because we’re here together
we’re not gonna make it out alive without each other
please don’t go, stay”

[verse]
i chased away a prophecy
’cause there’s a side of me that subscribes to thrive in apathy
this blasphemy redeemed the seams inside of me
feeling better for the red letters
and the sake of breaking from the fair weather
to fulfill my capacity

when my love for anything is a mirage of joy
with petty jokes and laughing
i wanted to be the next prophet
but once i got sick, i started chasing profits
performing for an audience and plotting this artifice of sacrifice
and rolling dice to silence the mistress kissing the lips of a nihilist

every secret i’ve ever had is back on a discount rack
for sale to a consumer that doesn’t know any better
living in this fair weather
’cause i can’t love anything that doesn’t look like me
but doesn’t love like you
and i learned to love jesus before i learned to love me
and now i can see why i have this fast-paced
in-your-face approach to grace, but no self-esteem

so i desperately sing
one time for the sake of payment
one time for the sake of rendering
one time for the sake of self-proclamation
but saying it’s all for ministry
hindering the [?] of the petty weeks
i spent writing and fighting the silence

the past doesn’t change because the future tells it to
and i’m telling you i’m selling you the swelling youth
in melting skin within this dim-lit broken fist
to finally balance salute, ’cause i love you

and i fed us all truth, made another excuse
’cause it’s easier to say, “i love you too”
than to point blank say, “i love you”
it’s nothing but a broken melody, and i’m sorry but i’m still listening
’cause i was not smart enough to question this
but i was foolish enough to try

once we get honest, it’s so pretentious
but watered-down is so cowardice
and i’m a little bit of both
trying to push a boulder over a mountain just to watch it fall
praying to god it doesn’t fall again
every thought that ate me alive
was published for public consumption
is there anything more pathetic
than packaging honesty as entertainment?

existing extremes feeding pain and big dreams
we’re the epitome of self-hate, or we’re the epitome of self-praise
and none of us know what love means
so darling, salt the wound
so i don’t forget that every moment i’m not with you
is a moment i’m in regret
and i love you now
but i won’t know you when i’m dead

’cause the response to a generation that did too little
was to do too much, now we’re both sick
’cause i saw when you were drowning, i was wearing a grin
so i’ll leave you now before the thick of it
’cause darling, i can promise you this:
i love you, but i’m also sick

and i hope you can see someday this will make sense
like back when i told you i was old
i was told i would make some money
we’ll shove out another hit and call it “nicole”
and every echo needs a voice, and every echo has a choice
but i didn’t choose you

- hotel books lyrics

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