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hotel books - i'm almost happy here lyrics

[verse 1]
i think i’m almost happy here
but i will never regret venturing despite fear
because everyone wanted me to see that we could not thrive
so if this is reality
then i guess i don’t regret the nights i thought that i had died
’cause sometimes i feel like nothing, and nothing ever changes
when changes consume me through these changing stages
everything we could have done differently is now just a memory
and the love i hoped for is hanging on a rope
and it’s funny how artistic we become when our hearts are broken
through this constant collapse, the thought of relapse

[chorus]
i guess it’s safe to throw our bones back in the sea
i guess it’s safe to throw our bones back in the sea

[verse 2]
with this saltw-ter for blood and fear of falling in love
i’m almost happy here, but i’m still moving
i just want us to run wild, young beauty
because i always thought i would be okay
and some days, i still feel the same
but every day the same way i feel afraid to embrace grace
’cause i know i don’t deserve it
and i know that i can’t earn this
and i know that i can hurt this heart that i have grown within
but it’s a given to even someone as sick as me
now i can breathe seeing that i’m not living in apathy

[chorus]
so i guess we’ll throw our bones back into the sea
i guess it’s safe to throw our bones back into the sea

[verse 3]
come with me and i hope i stay alive
because ghosts can’t love through this broke love
and turn to above in a quick dash
feel the impact on this car crash, and pray to god i can be forgiven
and have my friends back
where we sleep is where we dream, and i haven’t slept for days
rem cycles are a memory of when i was sitting in a dorm room
thinking of how much greener the gr-ss would be
if i became a touring act someday
but now i’m dreaming or sinking
most nights they feel the same, since i can lose one friend
lose all friends, and still not keep those demons at bay
and i said all my friends are trees with the roots in the earth
what hurts is that the branches in a community
we’ve labeled our hearts into a collective scene
into a collective faithless dream
of empty courage and empty hearts
hollow light, hollow lovers, always falling apart
so i’ll love life and let go
and try my best to understand there’s nothing new to know
though i didn’t say it’s true, i still feel the same
like i died with you, and i feel the strain
taking two steps back on these wooden floorboards
i’ll beg for more, and pray this isn’t just a retrospective moment
not just a soul begging for catharsis
but rather the start of a new me and a real movement
god forgive me

- hotel books lyrics

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