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hudson landry – ajax airlines lyrics

a= airline clerk
d= drunk

{phone ringing}
a: ajax airlines.
d: ajax airlines.
a: that’s right sir.
the proud bird with the cast iron tail.
d: ah stow the commercial charlie brown.
i just wanna know what time your eleven o six
leaves for san antonio?
a: it leaves at 11:06
d: okay.
a: we have tourist and first cl-ss.
d: oh that’s all right.
a: in first cl-ss you get an extra vegetable.
d: huh?
a: you can get an extra vegetable in first cl-ss.
d: okay, i’ll take an onion.
a: we’re going to have some turbulance.
d: no. i’ll stick with the onion.
do you serve chinese food?
a: yes we serve everybody food.
d: do you serve {censored}?
a: sir, i’m going to forget you said that.
d: you’re one ain’t cha?
a: say let’s get back to the flight now.
this is a non-stop flight you know.
d: how much are hostresses?
a: oh they’re beautiful.
d: are they topless?
a: no sir, regulations, they must wear hats.
d: do they mess around?
a: look do you want to go on this flight or don’t you?
d: what’s your movie?
a: uh no movie on this flight.
d: no movie?
a: no sir, a rodeo.
d: that’s fantastic, i’ll bet you clean up on that huh.
a: uh no sir, the stewardesses take care of that.
d: are they topless?
a: sounds like you have a one track mind.
d: sounds like you never saw a topless hostess.
a: sir. please. look, i’m very busy.
d: and i’m just a n-body. is that it?
a: now i didn’t say that.
d: just remember i’m a v.i.q.
a: p.
d: huh?
a: p. p. you’re a v.i.p.!
d: well then treat me like one you communist.
a: oh sir, sir.
d: hey what’s san antonio like this time of year anyway?
a: oh it’s beautiful. is this going to be a round trip?
d: no way. i’m just gonna fly down there and turn around
and fly right back.
a: now we’re getting nowhere.
d: well thanks to me.
a: amen.
d: boy. did i eat that onion already?
help me check this sucker out now.
she leaves at 7:47
a: uh no. no, the plane is a 747. it leaves at 11:06.
d: 10-4
a: okay. well goodbye…
d: hold it. just a minute here.
a: sir i’m very busy.
d: well how about me? i’m running around like a chicken with my
legs cut off.
a: oh boy.
d: operater, would you trace this call and tell me where i am?
a: sir, this is ajax airlines.
d: cancel the call operater. this is ajax airlines?
a: ajax airlines. remember it costs no more to relax
in the heavenly skys of ajax.
d: well now we’re getting nowhere.
a: thanks to you.
d: amen.
a: sir you’re holding up customers.
d: i’m holding up customers? you got a lot of nerve,
for the charges you price.
a: sir i am very busy. i’ve got two calls to make, five on hold, and
seven lines blinking.
d: and a partridge in a pear tree.
a: well that does it!
d: well it’s about time.
a: it’s about time.
d: time. oh my gosh. time. what time does the eleven o six
leave for san antonio?
a: in exactly three minutes.
d: hold that plane.
a: i can’t do that.
d: you better hold that plane.
a: look sir, don’t threaten me.
d: i’m not threatening, i’m just telling you better hold that plane.
a: why should we hold the plane for you?
d: because i’m the pilot.

- hudson landry lyrics

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