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ian dury and the blockheads - billericay dickie lyrics

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(spoken)
good evening i’m from ess-x
in case you couldn’t tell
my given name is d-ckie, i come from billericay
and i’m doing very well

had a love affair with nina
in the back of my cortina
a seasoned up hyena could not have been more obscener
she took me to the cleaners
and other misdemeanours
but i got right up between her
rum and her ribena

well, you ask joyce and vicki
if candy-floss is sticky
i’m not a blinking thicky
i’m billericay d-ckie
and i’m doing very well

i bought a lot of brandy
when i was courting sandy
took eight to make her randy
and all i had was shandy
another thing with sandy
what often came in handy
was p-ssing her a ‘mandy’
she didn’t half go bandy

so you ask joyce and vicki
if i ever took the mickey
i’m not a flipping thicky
i’m billericay d-ckie
and i’m doing very well

i’d rendezvous with janet
quite near the isle of thanet
she looked more like a gannet
she wasn’t half a prannet
her mother tried to ban it
her father helped me plan it
and when i captured janet she bruised her pomegranet

so you ask joyce and vicki
if i ever shaped up tricky
i’m not a blooming thicky
i’m billericay d-ckie
and i’m doing very well

you should never hold a candle if you don’t know where it’s been
the jackpot is in the handle on a normal fruit machine

so you ask joyce and vicki
who’s their favourite brickie
i’m not a common thicky
i’m billericay d-ckie
and i’m doing very well

i know a lovely old toe-rag obliging and n-blesse
kindly, charming sh-g from shoeburyness

my given name is d-ckie
i come from billericay
i thought you’d never guess

so you ask joyce and vicki
a pair of squeaky chickies
i’m not a flaming thicky i’m billericay d-ckie
and i’m doing very well

oh golly, oh gosh come and lie on the couch
with a nice bit of posh from burnham-on-crouch

my given name is d-ckie, i come from billericay
and i ain’t a sloutch

so you ask joyce and vicki
about billericay d-ckie
i ain’t an effin’ thicky
you ask joyce and vicki
and i’m doing very well

- ian dury and the blockheads lyrics

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