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ian dury the blockheads - billericay dickie lyrics

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good evening, i’m from ess-x
in case you couldn’t tell
my given name is d-ckie
i come from billericay
and i’m doing very well

had a love affair with nina
in the back of my cortina
a seasoned-up hyena
could not have been more obscener
she took me to the cleaners
and other misdemeanours
but i got right up between her
rum and her ribena

well, you ask joyce and vicky
if candy-floss is sticky
i’m not a blinking thicky
i’m billericay d-ckie
and i’m doing very well

i bought a lot of brandy
when i was courting sandy
took eight to make her randy
and all i had was shandy
another thing with sandy
what often came in handy
was p-ssing her a mandy
she didn’t half go bandy

so, you ask joyce and vicky
if i ever took the mickey
i’m not a flipping thicky
i’m billericay d-ckie
and i’m doing very well

i’d rendez-vous with janet
quite near the isle of thanet
she looked more like a gannet
she wasn’t half a prannet
her mother tried to ban it
her father helped me plan it
and when i captured janet
she bruised her pomegranate

oh, you ask joyce and vicky
if i ever shaped up tricky
i’m not a blooming thicky
i’m billericay d-ckie
and i’m doing very well

you should never hold a candle
if you don’t know where it’s been
the jackpot is in the handle
on a normal fruit machine

so, you ask joyce and vicky
who’s their favourite brickie
i’m not a common thicky
i’m billericay d-ckie
and i’m doing very well

i know a lovely old toe-rag
obliging and n-blesse
kindly, charming sh-g from shoeburyness
my given name is d-ckie
i come from billericay
i thought you’d never guess

so, you ask joyce and vicky
a pair of squeaky chickies
i’m not a flaming thicky
i’m billericay d-cky
and i’m doing very well

oh golly, oh gosh
come and lie on the couch
with a nice bit of posh
from burnham-on-crouch
my given name is d-ckie
i come from billericay
and i ain’t a slouch

so, you ask joyce and vicky
about billericay d-ckie
i ain’t an effing thicky
you ask joyce and vicky
i’m doing very well

- ian dury the blockheads lyrics

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