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illustrated (hip-hop) - mdd lyrics

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all you see is recycled pain
p-ssed down through my parents’ dna
unprepared, running scared

now before i left home the lessons
i learned were directed from her
how the liquor lessens the burn
when the first incident occurred

i saw my step-father on a stretcher
alcohol was there to catch her
others drink it with chase
well she drinks it straight

just to chase away the demons
now she’s leaving
separated, but the memories never faded
i guess she never thought of
being brought up as a product
of a deadbeat would ever be a problem

delivered by destruction, considered me corrupted from the government
bitter from a mother that didn’t love her kid enough to make it home again
alone again in the city, grew thin with these other lost souls
too old to be adopted, too young to be forgotten
always stuck with a sense of caution
like every day could be your last chance to blossom

can’t shelter the pain like a homeless kid
so i fell to the flames, emotionless
and felt no faith, just hopelessness
so i held to a blade just to cope with this

i put it on his grave
younger brother taught me how to hang
same blood running through my veins
still i focus on the pain
still i focus on the pain
mdd
if you don’t know what that means
do your research, do your research
all this pain
can’t be rehe-rs-d, can’t be rehe-rs-d

if i could reverse this he-rs- into a carriage
just to see my brother grow and never have to perish
after that my family died, girlfriend left ashes of my past laid buried in my skin

had to carry on, “stay strong”
tatted over hieroglyphs carved in my arm
this is more than self-harm
scars that you have to decipher
behind these bars like a lifer

pressed to the limit like a semi-automatic
depressed is a given for many on this planet
expressed how i’m living, now i’m ready to die
if depression was a drug we suppress it til we’re numb
hold it steady as i try, desperation as i cry

they say we ain’t damaged, it’s all in our head
they don’t see the blood falling in the end
the finger, the trigger, they figure we’re ignorant
when we’re tying the noose, just to strangle the truth
how can one make such an escape
just to suffocate, just to suffocate

i put it on his grave
younger brother taught me how to hang
same blood running through my veins
still i focus on the pain
still i focus on the pain
mdd
if you don’t know what that means
do your research, do your research
all this pain
can’t be rehe-rs-d, can’t be rehe-rs-d

watch as i fall, deeper depressed
deep under pressure, speak of the pressure
pressure makes diamonds
pressure the mind and see the asylum
i bleed for the dying

to bury their names, to carry their graves
they seek an alliance, i’m fighting my demons
see all the tyrants, see all the time
i’m writing my reasons

depend on the pen or the blade, depends on the pen or the blade
i’m penning your name, don’t mention the pain
all over my wrist, these tattoos
so selling my spirit is past due

we pay a toll just to save a soul
can’t save us all so i face my flaws and reflect on the cause of it

i mirror the image of past abuse
won’t fear the visions, go p-ssed my limits
of being a victim of being evicted, of being a witness to livin’ in h-ll
i was burnin’ up
they were turnin’ up just to fill the void
can’t k!ll the noise i couldn’t avoid
watching my mother get smacked around
heavy is the head that wears the crown

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