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immortal inside - eternal sunshine of the spotless mind lyrics

i wish that i could go back, wish i did it better
at times i wish that we could do it all together
’cause there’s people that i miss, and then there’s people i remember
and they bring up so much grief i could get lost in it forever
i know i need to let go, there’s moments that we lose on
and even though i said so i doubt that i could move on
’cause the pain is too strong, i carried it for too long
maybe it’s the way i’m holding on i could improve on
or maybe it’s the weight of what i lost and how it’s over
i wish that i could tear open my heart so i could show you
every moment that we had, it seems i hold a little closer
than i did when i was with you, and i’m losing my composure
and i’ll never have the closure so it’s up to me to deal
there’s days i’m doing fine then i remember how i feel
i wish it wasn’t like this, i wish this wasn’t real
i wish that i could let go, i wish that i could heal

here in darkness you’ll find me
but i’ll find my own way home
and i’ll do this on my own
i’m looking for some sign to guide me
but i don’t know where to start
and it’s tearing me apart
right now

i wish that i could go back, wish it wasn’t finished
wish that i could open up my eyes and it be different
but every time i close them i’m actually aware
that the moment that i open them you’ll never still be there
but you’re always in my dreams, and that probably doesn’t help
’cause they tell me that a dream is a reflection of yourself
they say that it’s a metaphor of back when you were with me
but every single morning i wake up and then it hits me
’cause there’s noone here beside me. the other side is cold
but that coldness doesn’t end there, it’s here inside my soul
i wish that you could feel this, i wish that you could know it
i wish that i could go back and steal another moment
but i’ll never have that option so it’s up to me to deal
there’s days i’m doing fine then i remember how i feel
i wish it wasn’t like this, i wish this wasn’t real
i wish that i could let go, i wish that i could heal
but while i’m wishing i could heal i’m also wishing i could call you
wish that we could sit or even find a place to walk to
’cause there’s problems you can talk through, and problems that could end it
and i’ll never be ok. and i’m tired of pretending
i’m tired of the pain. i’m sickened with regret
i’m haunted by your face and i just wish i could forget
i’d pay with all that’s in my bank to find a way
to plug me into a machine and make it take this all away
every single moment, every conversation
all the times i missed you and all the contemplation
i tried to distract myself, i tried meditation
i’ve even seen a doctor and he gave me medication
but it didn’t really help me. it didn’t help me heal
there’s days i’m doing fine then i remember how i feel
i wish it wasn’t like this, i wish this wasn’t real
i wish that i could move on, i wish that i could heal

here in darkness you’ll find me
i’ve been here for far too long
and i’m trying to move on
this fear of letting go, it binds me
i think it’s fear of the unknown
but i’ll find my own way home

- immortal inside lyrics

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