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isaac app - sore from smiling lyrics

[verse 1]
knew that, life could change in the simplest way
i was a, good kid with full attention to pay
i used to, homeschool and spend my time all day
tryna find my own freedom in the game that we’d play
04 countryside livin ark
it was a, fun time when my pops away
but right when, i would see that man get home i’d pray
that n0body throwing hands on my momma today
right on top of the stairs is where i’d often stay
outta sight, but close enough that i could hear what they say
but in the end didn’t matter cause it’d end up in screams
i just hope that everything will fade away in my dreams
nothing holding us together like thesе household beams
i was waiting for the curе like a new vaccine
i would draw a better family on some paper reams
or idolize what i saw in some movie scenes
life was a mess and i didn’t wanna add stress
i was young, biting tongues, barely processed
everything that i felt, wanted what’s best
only thing we called home, problems unaddressed
yeah, for every step i would always prep
do my best on the side and try to say less
if i never knew the move you know id try to guess
“isaac are you happy” id say yes
this is where my mask was forged
avoid, telling people how i feel to hide the void
so much fighting in my home that’s been destroyed
i don’t wanna be the fuel that sparks the noise
so deep within myself find a spot i could place it
happiness ain’t in me but i know that i could trace it
hopefully in time i won’t feel it coming up
if i’m adding tension then i know i’m f+cking up
it was all about the right choice, right path
right voice, slight sad, i don’t wanna fight that
failure brings a new wrath
but we already had that
for some reason thought i was something that they could take back
like they had a receipt, that had my name
irrational, to me my defeat, was always blame
for me i saw that love and mistreat, were both the same
but what separates? the latter ends in pain
okay, show me a smile, show me a smile
disassociate and stay in a fake state for a while
got some hand me down shoes, let me swap just for a mile
i could see my moms face, what weighs and all that’s piled
just a child, nothing more, what i’d give to open doors
that was way back before, understood not to ignore
now i’m 23 the past catching up, it’s keepin score
cracks in my mask now, and my smile has got me sore
i put this mask, uh
over my face
whether you friends, or people i hate
it’s deeply instinctual, saying escape
and n0body knows
whether it’s me, the fake, the real, it’s blending my mind
and i let it merge, f+ck, wait
where did i go?
ain’t no control
the mask, the front, was part of it real?
i felt a smile, did part of me heal? did part of me grow?
am i mistaking the plastic for something that’s gold?
i feel the mask it, it took over my soul

[bridge]
soul, soul, soul, soul
it took over my soul
took over my soul

[verse 2]
it’s takin over i think that i lost it
purity gone and my innocence
how could i know i was wearing my casket?
now i been longing for difference
and it’s the same if equipped or i toss it
f+ck it i ain’t been the same since
i had issues to hide where i saw fit
and i’m still bleeding from pair imprints
ion even wanna cut losses no more
i just wanna get back to myself
feel like the old me still there
wit no connection what i felt
is a hollow feeling
face glued to a veil
i’m at a blank state now
and it’s only one way out

- isaac app lyrics

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