isabella james - isabella james (9th symphony) or; bookends (part 2) lyrics
part one
[spoken: daisy adders]
do not stand at my grave and weep
i am not there, i do not sleep
i am a thousand winds that blow
i am the diamond glint on snow
i am the sunlight on ripened grain
i am the gentle autumn rain
when you wake in the morning hush
i am the swift, uplifting rush
of the birds in circled flight
i am the soft stars that shine at night
do not stand at my grave and cry
i am not there, i did not die!
part two
[spoken: isabella james]
i have deconstructed myself to the point that i am no longer human
i am but i a series of metaphors vaguely linked by the idea of femininity
i am a disgusting performative version of what i wish i was
i am just an idea in your head
this is my dying drеam
this is, this is my dying dream
and i am lying there on my dеathbed
this is what i’ll be thinking
i mean, like, i will be soon enough anyway
statistically speaking, in, like, two or three months i’ll be homeless or i’ll have k!lled myself
i’ll be dead, but it’s ok
part three
[spoken: noah gnarwood]
what lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why
i have forgotten, and what arms have lain
under my head till morning; but the rain
is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
upon the glass and listen for reply
and in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
for unremembered lads that not again
will turn to me at midnight with a cry
thus in the winter stands the lonely tree
nor knows what birds have vanished one by one
yet knows its boughs more silent than before
i cannot say what loves have come and gone
i only know that summer sang in me
a little while, that in me sings no more
part four
[intro: isabella james]
i used to feel comfortable when i slept
but i don’t anymore
i keep on having nightmares
as cheesy as that sounds
i’m always in a forest
and i’m being held in the arms of a woman, a ginger woman
i don’t know why but i always start running
the trees become a maze they tangle themselves together and block my path
suddenly the trees are bricks and suddenly the bricks are mirrors
i have no choice but to look at myself
be surrounded by myself
and then i wake up
i wake up into a body i hate
feeling things i don’t want to feel
but not emotional things physical things
sometimes i don’t know if i can feel emotions anymore
but when i do they’re so overwhelming
dysphoria, unrequited love, sadness
it’s those three on a sequel
i don’t even have the nerves to k!ll myself
[verse: isabella james]
i can see her underneath myself
i can see her crawling in my skin
i just want a take a knife and carve her out
the secret girl within
[outro: isabella james]
i detest myself with a writhing angst
the kind of motion in a mass grave
i hate the way i consumed this role
the role of a war not of play
i feed myself on lies you tell me
cause you don’t want the truth
i didn’t f+cking ask to be born
into a say i couldn’t sooth
yet here i am alone again
here i am dependent again
here i am a man again
a woman never to you?
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