ivor biggun – two thirds of four fifths lyrics
a mathematician from sc-nthorpe
discovered the weight of his ball
plus his scr-tum times three
was approximately
two thirds of four fifths of f-ck all
a nineteen year old nymphomaniac
wore a bog-paper dress to a ball
but it started tearing
she ended up wearing
two thirds of four fifths of f-ck all
with premature ej-culation
it seems my endurance is small
from the time of inserting
to the moment of squirting
two thirds of four fifths of f-ck all
i was seized with a stiff constipation
i crouched in a lavatory stall
i thundered and pumped
but finally dumped
two thirds of four fifths of f-ck all
it’s a big c-ck, a big c-ck
a big c-ck and bull story
here comes the interesting bit
the parts that are true
near enough add up to
just about half the square root of jack sh-t
my p-nis is small like an acorn
sometimes i can’t find it at all
it’s infinitesimal
or expressed in decimal
point five of point three of f-ck all
an ancient egyptian urinal
has the meaning of life on the wall
in plain simple words
it’s written in t-rds
two thirds of four fifths of f-ck all
now that is the end of my chanson
and if for an encore you call
well b-llocks you tw-t
the chances of that are
two thirds of four fifths of f-ck all
“‘ere mr. recording engineer, what’s the chances of
this song becoming a number one hit?”
“about two thirds of four fifths of practically
nothing”
unused verse, deservedly cut from the released version
there’s a harlot with p-x, clap and h-rpes
you can smell her from here to bengal
she’s got syph and colitis
and that’s why her price is
two thirds of four fifths of f-ck all
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