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jack stauber - coffee lyrics

[skit: protagonist, eileen]
next is coffee.
wow, i have the whole aisle to myself.
i better hurry up before somebo—
oh, my, ain’t this place a godsend?
look at all of this coffee, and they have all of it too! oh my, godsend, i tell you. godsend, father, son, holy spirit.
anyways, my name’s eileen. i was just headed here from some volunteer work i was doin’ thatta’ the next township over. god bless the volunteer work. fantastic work, horrible coffee they had there, though. my god, was it dirt water. couldn’t down more than three cups of it, ha! it seriously was disgusting, really. i like to think coffee’s kind of like, god, hahahahaha! coffee is kinda like god, i’m gonna write that down. can’t you see that on a t-shirt, or a…
*eileen experiences a sudden crash in energy due to the high amounts of caffeine*
h-h-llo?
oh my god, did she just…
*the protagonist pushes eileen’s coffee mug towards her mouth, reviving her energy*
…b-mper sticker? if i can’t come up with a catchy one-liner, hahahaha! anyways, i do love the coffee selection they have here, truly can’t get enough of it. i don’t really drink it as much as other people, but i tell you, if i don’t have a good cup in the morning, i’m not myself.
wait, is that clock right?
oh my god, i forgot to pick my son up from daycare. how in the h-ll did that happen?
goodness, i am so confused right now. that is wild, that is just… wild, they have hazelnut toffee light roast.
i’ve never seen that before. anyways, it’s really nice to meet you. what’d you say your name was?
what’re you, deaf?
i gotta skidaddle, but i’ll pray for your ears. god, i need a refill, i feel like everything is in slow-motion right now.

[verse 1: protagonist, coffee]
do i need it?
mocha
am i under control?
can i beat it?
wake up
if it swallowed me whole
would i see it?
i can make you feel alive
i know, but do i need you to survive? (ha ha ha)

[verse 2: protagonist, coffee]
just a sip
does it still matter which one?
just a drip (ahhh!)
am i dumbfounded when i slip?
you can’t believe
i can’t believe
you can’t believe
i can’t believe
you can’t believe
i can’t believe this happened

[chorus: protagonist, coffee]
wow
french vanilla
i think i should sit this one out
no no no
maybe a cup of self control
would be the route
but it’s the flavor
it’s the flavor you want!
maybe so
but it feels better to check than to reflect
oh

[outro: protagonist]
yeah.

- jack stauber lyrics

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