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jake shane - pharmacist skit lyrics

thank you for calling your 24 hours cbs pharmacy, los angeles, california
habla espagnol, marca siete
if you call about prescriptions or immunisations, say “yes” or press one

cbs pharmacy, how can i help you?
hi, um, i’m looking to refill my meds, please
okay, one moment, uh, last name and date of birth, please
um, shane, s+h+a+n+e, and the date of birth is 10.27.99
hm, it looks like we don’t have your prescription refill
what do you mean you don’t have my prescription refill?
it seems that your provider has not refilled your medication
okay, well, what am i supposed to do? i’m out
you need to consult with your provider
it’s a f+cking sat+rday, they’re not in, my provider is not in
i’m so sorry, ma’am, that’s not our problem
but i can’t just go cold turkey, what do you, what do you want me to do? i’m out of meds
i understand but you need to consult your provider
again, i can’t consult my provider, it’s a sat+rday, what do you want me to do?
ma’am, it seems he might be out of options, but you need to consult your provider in order to get this refill completed
can’t you give me an emergency refill? i’m sorry, just like, i don’t know what to do, i have an album to finish, it’s called p+ss and poems, it’s really really good but i can’t do it without my meds
legally, i can not refill your prescription
what do you mean legally you can not refill my prescription
it’s against the law to do that, ma’am
what law?
(hahaha)
(shut up, say, “cbs pharmacy law, b+tch”)
cbs pharmacy law, b+tch
(no, say, “cbs pharmacy law”, ma’am)
cbs pharmacy law, ma’am
okay, so what am i supposed to do?
i don’t know
what do you mean you don’t know?
i just told you, i don’t know
well, so, i don’t, i just have to go cold turkey?
what you do is up to your discretion
what do you mean my discretion
please do not speak to me that way, now is there anything else i can help you with today?
no, i, no, there’s nothing else you can help me with today
okay, well, have a good one
yeah, you too

- jake shane lyrics

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