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james and the giant peach original cast - property of spiker and sponge lyrics

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[aunt spiker & sponge]
ha!

[spiker]
wretched families dragging heavy pockets
ruby pendants, solid silver lockets
we can help relieve you of some pounds!

[sponge, spoken]
are you callin’ me fat?

[spiker, spoken]
i’m referring to money, pigeon+brain.

[sponge, spoken]
oh

[spiker, sung]
they’re distracted
look at me, i’m stunning

[sponge]
i swoop in
so masterfully cunning

[spiker]
we get rich!
[sponge]
i do like how that sounds!

[spiker & sponge]
ha, ha, ha!

[spiker]
so hard to resist

[sponge]
and if it slips from your wrist

[spiker & sponge]
too bad!
it’s property of spiker and sponge

[spiker]
and heaven forbid

[sponge]
you might be missin’ some quid

[spiker & sponge]
boo+hoo!
it’s property of spiker and sponge
you can comb the ground
check the lost and found
did you leave it in the gift shop?
[spiker]
well, isn’t it queer?

[sponge]
how a purse can appear

[spiker & sponge]
it’s property of spiker and sponge!

[billy & bobby, spoken]
spiker and sponge, we presume?

[sponge, spoken]
we didn’t do it!

[billy, spoken]
as long as you keep them contributions to the policeman’s fund up to date, we’ve got no trouble with you.

[spiker, spoken]
how can we be of help to such a handsome representative of scotland yard?

[bobby, spoken]
got an official telegram for the two of you.

[sponge, spoken]
thanks, mate!
[spiker, spoken]
what’s it say? what’s it say?

[sponge, spoken]
it says… we’re havin’ a baby?

[spiker, spoken]
oh, give that to me. it seems we are the only living relatives to an orphan, child, thingy, named james…

[spiker & sponge, spoken]
eww.

[spiker, sung]
holy devil
nasty pukin’ babies

[sponge]
so revolting
chickenpox and rabies

[spiker]
grab a shovel
start to dig my grave!

[sponge, spoken]
just imagine a lice+infested boy, loafin’ about the house!

[spiker]
not so quickly
yes, we could bemoan it
but there’s no need to
technically, we own it
james can be
our helper monkey slave!
we’ll put him to use!

[sponge]
he’ll be our private masseuse

[ensemble]
he’s property of spiker and sponge

[spiker]
he’ll wash all our clothes

[sponge]
and scr+pe the jam from our toes

[ensemble]
he’s property of spiker and sponge

[spiker, spoken]
oh, there he is!

[sponge, spoken]
oh, my dear lovely cousin.

[spiker, spoken]
nephew.

[sponge, spoken]
nephew! oh, my dear little nephew, jack.

[james, spoken]
it’s james.

[spiker, spoken]
oh, jeff, how we’ve missed you.

[sponge, spoken]
he does come with some sort of payment, doesn’t he?

[spiker, spoken]
a boy his age can eat his weight in food twice a day

[matron nurse, spoken]
you’ll be paid 27 pounds a week to care for the boy

[spiker & sponge, spoken]
huzzah!

[spiker & sponge, sung]
don’t you worry
he’ll be taken care of
not a worry

[spiker]
not that he’s aware of

[spiker & sponge]
he’ll forget his folks are even dead!
he’ll… be… raised…
properly, properly, properly
by spiker and sponge

[spiker, spoken]
bye now!

[sponge, spoken]
welcome to the family, moron.

[spiker, sung]
wipe off that grin

[sponge]
and let the torture begin!

[company]
you’re property of spiker and sponge

[spiker]
before you unpack

[sponge]
you’ll shave the hair off my back

[company]
you’re property of spiker and sponge

[spiker & sponge]
what a scrumptious joy
now we own the boy
he’ll work and never stop

[company]
so do as you’re told
or you’ll be auctioned and sold
because you’re property
of spiker and sponge!

[spiker & sponge]
ba da dah dah dah dah daaaaaaaah!

- james and the giant peach original cast lyrics

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