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james bogucheski - the dark order of the saints ch. 5 the dark: hbr: panasoda lyrics

“erythroxilaceae is a plant group that was discovered in south america after the voyages. they brought back a specimen which we were able to grow in the greenhouse we have here in the university. it turns out that the leaves of which contain a chemical that has numbing effects on the body. c17h21no4 because the chemical is hydrolyzed and rendered inactive in the acidic stomach, it is not readily absorbed when ingested alone. only when mixed with a highly alkaline substance (such as lime) can it be absorbed into the bloodstream through the stomach. the efficiency of absorption of orally administered is limited by two additional factors. first, the chemical is partly catabolized by the liver. second, capillaries in the mouth and esophagus constrict after contact with the chemical, reducing the surface area over which the chemical can be absorbed. this was what we got from the concluded research they did on the coca-cola company. this is apparently the “secret ingredient” on their recipe. however, the pain-numbing myths have to be debunked. after all, if it is hydrolyzed and rendered inactive in the acid of the stomach, then the pain numbing effect is merely a placebo effect

after much thought, i came up with the simplest solution for my own paink!lling soda. which i’ll call panasoda, and in the list of ingredients, i won’t use coca-cola’s trademarked recipe using coca leaves, but will use instead paracetamol. paracetamol is a chemical that does not hydrolyze and gets rendered ineffective in the stomach, unlike aspirin, paracetamol does not appear to inhibit the function of any enzyme outside the central nervous system, and this appears to be the reason why it is not useful as an anti-inflammatory. it does appear to selectively inhibit activities in the brain, which may contribute to its ability to treat fever and pain. this activity does not appear to be direct inhibition by blocking an active site, but rather by reducing, which must be oxidized in order to function. after being taken by mouth, it is rapidly absorbed by the gastrointestinal tract

paracetamol is metabolised primarily in the liver, into toxic and nontoxic products. three metabolic pathways are notable:

glucuronidation (45–55%)
sulfation (sulfate conjugation) (20–30%)
n-hydroxylation and dehydration, then glutathione conjugation, (less than 15%)

we must however note on the product that drinking too many of these sodas, an overdose might happen

paracetamol consists of a benzene ring core, subst-tuted by one hydroxyl group and the nitrogen atom of an amide group in the para (1,4) pattern. the amide group is acetamide. it is an extensively conjugated system, the benzene pi cloud, the nitrogen lone pair, the p orbital on the carbonyl carbon, and the lone pair on the carbonyl oxygen are all conjugated. the presence of two activating groups also make the benzene ring highly reactive toward electrophilic aromatic subst-tution. as the subst-tuents are ortho, para-directing and para with respect to each other, all positions on the ring are almost equally activated. the conjugation also greatly reduces the basicity of the oxygens and the nitrogen, while making the hydroxyl acidic through delocalisation of charge developed on the phenoxide anion

the method for production involves the nitration of phenol with sodium nitrate gives a mixture of two isomers, from which the wanted 4-nitrophenol (bp 279 °c) can easily be separated by steam distillation. in this electrophilic aromatic subst-tution reaction, phenol’s oxygen is strongly activating, thus the reaction requires only mild conditions as compared to nitration of benzene itself. the nitro group is then reduced to an amine, giving 4-aminophenol. finally, the amine is acetylated with acetic anhydride

after this synthesis is complete, i simply mix the chemical with small amounts of water, and large amounts of sugar to create a syrup. then, i mix the syrup with the sparkling water and voila! paink!lling soda. panasoda. this type of paink!ller can be made accessible to the public without getting them addicted, and can provide the pain-numbing effects that the coca leaves simply would not if ingested as a drink.”

- james bogucheski lyrics

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