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javelin - the epilogue [demo] lyrics

[intro]
i don’t know myself..
i don’t love myself..
i’m a chameleon, defined & designed by those around me..
i cannot love that which i do not know, cannot feel!..
& i can hardly feel myself anymore..

[verse 1]
welcome to the epilogue, the story’s over, i was crumbled by the wrecking ball, my life was swinging on a pendulum, no benjamins could make the darkness in my heart dissolve, i tried to ward em off, the evil spirits i was hearing in the darkness told me “call it off”, no answer back, i simply acted & i woke up in the hospital, like “how’d i get here mom?, how far am i from home?, did i survive or is the afterlife just like my own?”..
with i.v. lines & wires running down my tired throat, i tried to cry & ask her why i was in solitude, why’d i try to end my life & ended up in icu?.. (in icu..)
the 43 celexa on my dresser tortured me, the demons screaming at me “take em all to ease the pain & pressure”, i threw em down my throat & threw my f+cking life away, i chased em two+by+two with sips of brew & rosy chardonnay
the me from ‘89 til then decayed & died that night, i wish him well if he’s in h+ll but he knew it was his time to go, n0body’s mourning him, when morning came i was reborn, no coroner’s report, no family mourning kyle’s corpse
my eyes are open & i’m clawing up the slope, the rope was cast to me, i grasped & heaved my way back from catastrophe, so if you’re asking me “what happened?”, why’d i try to put myself inside a casket?, why would i decide to breathe my last?..

[hook]
an epilogue’s just a start to a new heart..
turn the pages that you wanna just rip apart..
the show must go on.. (show must go on..)
the final lines bleed on into new songs..
so lift your head up if you’re ready to move along..
the show must go on..

[verse 2]
an empty call to heaven just to hear a dial tone, “god, d+mn you!, wish that you would answer when i call your phone, you must just like to see a rusty knife inside of me, in spite of me & mine you’re never there, you leave me numb & blind”
my number’s up, it’s time to up & leave my life behind but what’s with all the loved ones crying, why the f+ck am i alive?, & even though i tried to say “goodbye, so long to life”, i’m standing on my own, supposing father god picked up the phone
“h+llo, it’s nice to finally see you learn about this life, i am your higher power, leading you through pain & strife, i’ve been here deep within you, all you had to do was look down at your phone & notice that it didn’t have a bit of signal”..
this was my wake up call, this was my epilogue, this was the moment when i opened up & i evolved, not everything was solved but everything’s been different since, i died the 5th of march to live again & find a different sense
the scent of poison on my breath is gone, a glimpse into the present taught me lessons that never leave me, they’re living on, label me how you want & call me what you will, i’m never going back, my heart is bulging, overfilled
i’m spilling love & compassion, no longer living for fashion, no longer giving myself those mental lashings, smashing the past but i’m never closing the door, never forgetting who i’ve come to be & who i was before..
see that’s the beauty of it cuz though it hurts to relive it my verses might be helping you, if you listen & overcome it it’ll all be worth it, the mercy i was given kept me living maybe to make me into a messenger
perfect the way it’s working out, seeing the miracles happen is just like having new sight, so maybe i’m supposed to open your eyes & lead you into the light?.. (don’t let your final chapter be tonight..)

[outro]
i was once told that the touchstone of growth is hardship..
if you’re going through tough times i beg you, keep your head up..
everything will be just fine..

- javelin lyrics

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