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jaymel the rage god - rose lyrics

rose lyrics
(verse 1)
first thing first, let me say this hurts
what worse is that this verse was rehe+rs+d before it was written
before i was spitting
before all the current turmoil
before you went to your studies
before highschool for me, please see
i was trying’ to be mean
i didn’t mean to bring up insecurities or be offensive
i want to see you flourishing
i want to see you happy
but see transparency still need to be deceased for us to live in peace
see that’s the thing, honesty
telling you how i feel feels like going to war
anything i say is disrespect of course
or i’m in trouble
so it just sits in a pot and rumbles
and after 9 years it’s bubbling hot
that why you don’t see me a lot, rose
cause i know
as soon as we talk turn back to dad and we arguing
about the same arguments
and it’s always my fault
or you bring up something from years ago
like okay here we go again
in the end results in loading in with ammunition
i try to stay on topic with argument
i could bring up the fact that you got mad when connie arrived to the event
because it started without you? seriously?
it wasn’t yours, you were not the host of the event
your parents were but you got offended
this is why i be scared to mention her around you
or bring it back to dad and the phone
and how he never paid for anything that i have
but he pay phone bill and did provide a phone
just wasn’t rushing i was depressed
also to get another thing to get off my chests
you was pressed because dad helped me get out depression
you questioned
“why did he do that you know he should’ve known not to do that goes against the code of his profession”
well to answer your question
he did offer another i just preferred him to help lessen the pain
and it worked you admitted you seen a change in me
but it didn’t matter you were mad at dad
didn’t care how dare he do that
didn’t care how dare he do rap
don’t act you ain’t nearly kicked me out the house
not for partying, listening, doing drugs, or sneaking out
but for music the one thing i used to cope
either doing rap hanging from a rope dying
crying at night only light i had was rap
and it felt like you were trying to take all that
and to addon to that
you tried to control my ties, control my life
i remember when you said ymk was bad influence, and i shouldn’t be around him
but helped found a stronger side of myself
my mental health improved thanks to my brother
another was connie see she is one of my closest ever
one of the few people who i can freely be myself
i remember you was hitting at us just to break up
(you know, typically you break up after high school)
screw that
i’ve had some relations before
i’ve never had a connection like this before
raw feelings, best friends, being together is appealing
and just because your experience was bad, doesn’t mean my will too
that’s the truth
just like you
told to me my face
“i gave up on raising you”
and college
telling me where i have to go and get my degree
telling me to go right here i don’t wanna go right here
i want my degree in coding not really caring about what college i go to
but to focus on my main goal
and this list goes on and on
but i carry it on the next part of this song
just listen rose
(verse 2)
it hurts doing this
living in fear terrified of speaking
keeping closed why
i felt if i were myself you would hate me
maybe i’m too much like dad in your eyes
and that’s why probably hid from you
cause no matter what i do it don’t matter
always messing up or offending
always second guessing myself when next to you
performance anxiety
i have to be perfect i gotta be perfect or get yelled at
maybe i’m at fault
maybe im just stupid
you know it hurt my heart when you said that
that you gave up me
maybe i’m too much to handle
so i stay at home alone i worry to much just tiptoeing over glass i don’t even know what’s what anymore
and of course you think i hate you
i don’t i’m terrified of you if you truly want to know
and no i don’t want to fight
don’t wanna hurt
but i wanna live my life
i wanna do music
i don’t wanna+
i want freedom of expression in it
i don’t want to do it your way
making christians songs it not what i’m on
that’s why i was always on
minecraft, freedom to create what i make in my mind
i find it unique my own
release of my thoughts that’s caught up in my mind
but i find it painful that you tried to take it away
just like connie and jaron tried to move them away
that hurt me the most cause i know, i know i don’t
do much just stuck in my room
you remember all of the cutting i would do
and maybe it remind of you and dad
arguing all the time i’m sorry
but it hurts when you make so i have to choose
over both of you and you always known i hate
i try help around but it sounds i’m more in the way
and when is ay how i feel unheard
it’s just absurd
and maybe i be in the wrong if that’s so i’m sorry
i ain’t trying to offend or end up hurting
i’ll just leave you alone and got my room
(verse 3)
i’m sorry about the way life was before the divorce
i know i would lose sanity that’s true and i’m sorry
i probably add a lot to your stress
especially sense your job you hate and law school is getting to you
i’m sorry and i wish that i could improve
both of those things and sis’ attitude
i could tell you that i can relate in some way
cause im stress majority of the time
i’m trying and dying and fighting to get good grades
and blaze with amazing colors but sh+t ain’t working out so great
and i’m trying to finish my last two albums before i take a break for college
and make sure how and figure out how to maintain the relationship in college and now
i acknowledge what stress feels like
and we might be on different levels but nevertheless
there’s still struggles and i’m sorry that life is like that
i understand getting kicked where you stand
and it don’t help when someones adding to your plate
its funny because we both can relate
even though i do believe we not ain’t that close
i still hold on to loving memories
i remember when went on that trip to wisconsin it was awesome we did
jungle gyms and went to the pool
it was just a happy family with me and reni
see i remember playing uno gave you 25 cards
i know it was me i remember those good times
as tears fill my eyes i want you to know
that no matter what happens between us i still love you
even if you said you hate me, you wanna replace me, you don’t wanna see my face again
i would say “i’m sorry, i love, and i forgive you” till the end
(outro)
i love you mom, i’ll say it again and again
i do
i’m sorry everything is like this
i don’t want o be like this and im sorry
i love you. i’m sorry

- jaymel the rage god lyrics

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