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jerry herman - bosom buddies lyrics

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[vera & mame]
we’ll always be bosom buddies
friends, sisters, and pals
we’ll always be bosom buddies
if life should reject you
there’s me to protect you

[vera]
if i say that your tongue is vicious-

[mame]
if i call you uncouth-

[both]
it’s simply that
who else but a bosom buddy
will sit down and tell you the truth?

[vera, spoken]
though now and again i’m aware that my candid opinion may sting-

[mame, spoken]
though often my frank observation might scald
i’ve been meaning to tell you for years
you should keep your hair natural like mine

[vera, spoken]
if i kept my hair natural like yours, i’d be bald

(sung)
but darling

[both]
we’ll always be dear companions

[vera]
my crony

[mame]
my mate

[both]
we’ll always be harmonizing

[vera]
orphan annie and sandy

[both]
like amos and andy

[vera]
if i say that your sense of style’s
as far as off as your youth;
it’s simply that
who else but a bosom buddy
will tell you the whole stinking truth?

[mame, spoken]
each time that a critic has written
“your voice is the voice of a frog!”
straight to your side to defend you i rush
you know that i’m there ev’ry time that the world makes an unkind remark
when they say “vera charles is the world’s greatest lush!”

(sung)
it hurts me!

[vera]
and if i say your fangs are showing
mame, pull in your claws
it’s simply that
who else but a bosom buddy
will notice the obvious flaws!

[mame, spoken]
i feel it’s my duty to tell you it’s time to adjust to your age; you try to be “peg o’ my heart”, when you’re “lady macbeth.”
exactly how old are you, vera? the truth!

[vera, spoken]
how old do you think?

[mame, spoken]
i’d say somewhere in between forty and the death!

[both]
but sweetie

[vera]
i’ll always be alice toklas
if you’ll be gertrude stein
and though i’ll admit i’ve dished you
i’ve gossiped and gloated
but i’m so devoted

[mame]
and if i say that s-x and guts
made you into a star
it’s simply that
who else but a bosom buddy
will tell you how rotten you are?

[both]
just turn your bosom buddy
for aid and affection
for help and direction
for loyalty, love, and forsooth
remember that who else but a bosom buddy
will sit down and level
and give you the devil
will sit down and tell you the truth?

- jerry herman lyrics

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