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jesmyn ward - men we reaped (pg 213-255) lyrics

“and every day i was eyeing the tracks, the coming train, the third rail with its protective wooden shield, and wondering why i was alive and my brother was a year, two years dead. each day i descended into the belly of the city, eyeing those tracks. and i thought about my family and how they would feel to lose me and joshua, but they were so far away and my misery and grief and loneliness were so close…i imagined my brother sometimes, when i was more lonely and desperate, imagined him walking to my right and slightly behind me, throwing an arm across my shoulders, and it would comfort me until i realized i was still alone and he was still dead….” (239)

“death spreads, eating away at the root of our community like a fungus… this is why i choose the option of a life insurance plan at every job i work. this is why i hate answering my phone. this is why fear roots through me when i think of my nephew, who is funny and even-shouldered and quiet, when i think of what waits for him in the world.” (240)

“we tried to outpace the thing that chased us, that said: you are nothing. we tried to ignore it, but sometimes we caught ourselves repeating what history said, mumbling along, brainwashed: i am nothing. we drank too much, smoked too much, were abusive to ourselves, to each other. we were bewildered. there is a great darkness bearing down on our lives, and no one acknowledges it”. (249)

- jesmyn ward lyrics

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