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jhomez - welcome to the wild west lyrics

[verse]
woke up in the wild west, what the f+ck is goin’ on?
tumbleweeds and cowboys, horses sh+ttin’ on my lawn
i’m confused as h+ll, how’d i end up in this town?
did i fall through a portal? am i trippin’ b+lls right now?
i stumble to the saloon, push through the swingin’ doors
everybody stops and stares, jaws droppin’ to the floor
i’m like, “what’s up y’all? just a normal day for me”
then realize i’m the only one not dressed like 1883

[verse 1]
i saddle up my horse, or at least i try to mount
d+mn thing bucks me off, i’m eatin’ sh+t on the ground
spur’s caught on my jordans, spittin’ dirt out my mouth
i’m a city sl!cker lost, i don’t know north from south
i hear a voice behind me, “you ain’t from around these parts”
i turn to see a cowboy, lookin’ rough with leathery scars
“no sh+t, sherlock,” i quip back, “what gave it away?”
“well, them fancy sneakers, for one,” he starts to say
“and that there smart+ass mouth, boy, gonna get you k!lled”
i gulp and start to back up, fear beginning to build
he squints and l!cks his lips, “but i kinda like ya style”
“come with me to the brothel, let’s talk there for a while”
[chorus]
welcome to the wild west, where the rules don’t apply
you can be a hero or a villain, everyone still dies
morality’s a joke here, just do what you gotta do
it’s the wild f+ckin’ west, the only law is you

[verse 2]
we arrive at the brothel, a run+down shabby shack
cowboy busts the door down, hoes passed out on their backs
“what is this place?” i ask, my voice a little shrill
“this here’s the p+ssy palace, best ranch in tumbleweed hills”
he throws a wh0re at me, “go on, boy, have a go!”
i stare in disbelief, like “dude, what the f+ck, h+ll no!”
he shrugs and starts to unbuckle, “more for me then, queer!”
i’m about to book it when the sheriff busts in here
“cletus!” sheriff screams, “you know wh0res ain’t allowed!”
“well, lock me up then, b+tch!” cletus shouts back loud
they start to draw their pistols, i dive under a bed
prayin’ to the hooker gods i don’t end up dead

[chorus]
welcome to the wild west, where the rules don’t apply
you can be a hero or a villain, everyone still dies
morality’s a joke here, just do what you gotta do
it’s the wild f+ckin’ west, the only law is you
[verse 3]
shots blast, blood splats, hookers scream in dread
i peek out to see the sheriff’s got a hole in his head
cletus stands there laughin’, smokin’ gun in his hand
“whoops,” he chuckles, “guess i was the quicker man!”
he turns to me, eyes gleaming, “now it’s just us two”
“and all these lovely ladies, whatchu wanna do?”
i stammer, “i don’t know, man, this sh+t’s gotten real!”
“i just wanna go back home, i’ve had enough of this ordeal!”
cletus frowns, looks disappointed, “where’s your sense of fun?”
he points his pistol at me, “now get naked, son!”
i strip down, hands shaking, wondering how it came to this
cletus grins like a maniac, “now that’s more like it!”

[verse 4]
suddenly the door bursts open, a mexican walks in
cletus spins around shocked, “paco! my old friend!”
paco stares at the scene, the dead sheriff, naked me
hookers passed out everywhere, it’s a sight to see
“dios mio, cletus!” paco shouts, “what have you done?”
“this gringo’s the sheriff’s son, you’ve done k!lled the wrong one!”
cletus pales, “oh sh+t, really? i thought he looked familiar!”
i’m standin’ there confused, my nuts out, feels chilly here
paco throws me a poncho, “cover up, amigo”
“we gotta get you outta here, vamonos!”
we dash out the back door, cletus trailin’ behind
jump on our horses and hightail it, leavin’ the mess behind
[outro]
we ride off into the sunset, like some proper western sh+t
cletus and paco argue, i’m just tryin’ not to get bucked off again
we reach the mexican border, paco turns to me and grins
“welcome to mexico, gringo, where the real fun begins!”
i look back at the wild west, a literal h+ll on earth
wondering how i’ll get back to my cushy life of netflix and uber
but then i feel a strange feelin’, deep down inside me
maybe this is where i’m meant to be, where i can truly ride free

- jhomez lyrics

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